Yes, It Is Spreading to My Bones

I saw the oncologist today. It has begun to spread to my bones. We've caught it in the very early stages--if she didn't check cancer markers each time (her colleagues don't) and if I hadn't complained about my hips hurting after exercise, we likely would not have caught it until later. I see God's grace in that.

It is in the early stages and, while we can't eradicate it, people can and do live and fight this for many years. Who knows what breakthroughs they will find in the next five years? I can say that now--I've shed many tears in the last week and have really been fighting with despair.

We'll be switching my medicines now, since the Tamoxifen doesn't seem to be working. Please pray that the medicines are effective and keep the cancer from spreading any more. Please also pray that the side effects of the drugs may be minimal.

It could be something, or it could be nothing, but. . .

I saw my oncologist today. She said that my cancer markers (one of the blood tests they run each time) are up for the first time, ever. The bone scan that we had done showed spots on my left upper arm and on my hips. My hips could be the beginnings of arthritis, but she's not sure what's up with the arm since I haven't had any injuries to it. So I'm getting some MRIs done, hopefully moving them to next week instead of the end of the month to see if that helps the diagnosis any.

The tentative plan right now is to put me into menopause with drugs and stop the Tamoxifen. The Tamoxifen was supposed to be fooling the cancer into thinking it was estrogen, but the cancer markers are up, so obviously some of it wasn't fooled. So, we'll put me into menopause to take away the estrogen and switch to another drug. Also, if the bone MRIs do show something, then I will be taking injections weekly/quarterly to fight those areas too.

That was a lot to take in today.
Please pray that this is all nothing, that the spots that showed up on the bone scan miraculously disappear, and that my cancer markers go back down. I'm tired and not ready yet for round two.

I saw my plastic surgeon as well and got the last two drains out. Normally I'd be rejoicing, but I saw the oncologist first. The plastic surgeon said that they did test on what flesh they removed with the expander, and it was free of cancer, as was an internal lymph node they removed. As far as my current surgical wounds go, I'm free to stop the daily dressings. I need to wear a girdle (like Spanx) instead and keep on wearing the compression bras. I will hopefully get the stitches out next week.

Staying Home from Church Today

I really wanted to go to church this morning, but Joe and I weighed how long it would take me to get ready (1/2 hour for wound care, plus showering and dressing and dealing with concealing/attaching my drains to clothing), how long it would take to get to church, and how well I would be able to sit for nearly 2 hours in the pew before driving home again, plus the need to take pain meds while there. We decided that this week was too soon yet. The exertion of getting to church would wipe out my energy for today and perhaps for some of tomorrow.

Slow and steady wins the race. Joe and Entropy Boy went to church and Spiff is home with me to keep an eye on me.

Here's my theme song today:

Friday Morning

I am having a nice visit with my family. I'm still sleeping on the couch, and in a neck and neck in the race with my dad to take the most naps each day.

I was supposed to be taking heparin shots since I was released, but due to all sorts of frustrating circumstances, I finally started them yesterday. I have to give myself two each day, about 12 hours apart. I already had practice with the neupogen shots during chemo, so it isn't hard. I still don't enjoy doing it, though.

My wounds are healing really well. I'm amazed at how much healing has gone on already. I put Bacitracin on them every day, and that really speeds up the healing. I still walk hunched over, but I think it is more from the tape holding my bandaging on restricting my movement. Today I'm going to go a different route. Instead of using 4 x 4 guaze pads, I'm going to use long maxi pads and hold them on by wearing an ace bandage as a belt. Hopefully that will give me a little more freedom of movement around my waist and be easier to change out each day. Right now it takes 5-6 gauze pads and a ton of tape to hold everything in place, and I'd like the process to take a lot less time each day.

I'm very pleased with my new "rack" and glad that it isn't any bigger. It is in nice proportion right now. I will likely get a little smaller later after some swelling goes down, but they are very natural looking and feel very natural. When I move my arms, I don't feel an expander tucked under my muscle any more. I just feel squishy fat, like I used to feel. Right before and right after the surgery, I wasn't so sure I had made a good decision because of the pain and amount of healing involved, but I think the memory of that all will fade with time. I'd love for this to be my last surgery ever!

One thing that does really amaze me is the people on extreme makeover shows who get a whole bunch of plastic surgery at once. I can't imagine, knowing what I do now, electing to do all that surgery without needing to. Or electing to have surgery more than once.

I Showered Today

The plastic surgeon said that I could take a shower before redressing my wounds, so I did today. That pretty much sucked up my energy for the day. I have stitches from hip to hip, so it takes a bit to cover that properly and keep the dressings on. Plus, I still have the two drains on my hips to deal with. The output from them is very low, so hopefully they will come out next week.

My mom and dad are here to help out and have been wonderful. My floors are now swept and vacuumed and everything has been dusted. The Christmas tree was brought up from the basement and Entropy Boy decorated it with my mom. He had an absolutely great time and chattered throughout the entire process.

Spiff goes to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island tomorrow for a field trip. He is so excited that I'm surprised that he is able to sleep. I, on the other hand, have a warm kitten on my legs and I'm ready to fall asleep while everyone else watches season two of the original Star Trek series.

I Finally Got to Talk to the Oncologist

Evidently, she tried to call last night and it rang as a fax number.

My bone scan had some spots show up on my hips and on my left arm. They could be the beginnings of something or just the start of arthritis. I'm praying for arthritis versus the alternative.

She said she wanted to keep an eye on me sooner because her assistant had led her to believe that I wasn't scheduled to see her again until January.

So, I have some hip MRIs and an x-ray of my arm in my future, after I've done some more healing from the surgery.

I did get two drains out today at the plastic surgeon's office, so I only have two left. I need to take iron to help combat the blood loss from the surgery, aspirin to help prevent blood clots, and daily shots of a blood thinner to help prevent blood clots. I'm on Tamoxifen for the cancer, and it can increase the chances of blood clots and the surgeon wants all those little vessels he sewed together to stay working.

Thank you all for the prayers--please keep on praying! I feel emotionally drained today, on top of being physically drained.