Today was our first full day home after the surgery.
Last night I tried to wash her hair in the kitchen sink without a lot of success: sure her hair got wet, but so did her clothes, the counters, and the floor. When we were done I did my best to brush it but since I'd never learned to "curl under the bangs", she wound up with the look (and demeanor) of a wet cat.
This morning, just as I was about to leave for church, she felt well enough to take her first shower since Tuesday. Taking turns holding the drains we managed to get everything washed, dried and bandaged up again. It was easy to get her dressed because she'd bought hospital pajamas before the surgery. We highly recommend them, if you wind up providing care at home.
Entropy Boy and I went to church and caught up with all of our friends. Spiff stayed home and took care of mom, making sure she had everything she needed to be comfortable. After church, HW stopped by with a wonderful meal and we talked a bit.
She spent the rest of the day napping, watching cartoons with Entropy Boy and catching up on reading her forums and blogs. We made it through our first day. It's good to be back to family life again.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Check out the New Map!
If you've met us, you know that Sandy is by far the more personable half of the couple and through the years she's developed friends across the country and even the world. (I always figured that if something happened to me the impact would be rather small--all of my friends could share the same cab :-)
We tried to add a visit counter to the blog, but Sandy said it didn't seem to be working. After doing a bit of checking, I found that Blogger has a widget that allows you to track your visitors' locations. I'm going to test it for a while and see how it affects performance. So, scroll down and look at just how far-ranging her network of friends really is!
UPDATE: 9/1/08
I'm not sure this map is working well--here are some places I *know* we should be seeing that aren't there. I'm going to add anothser one or two maps for a couple of days a comparison. Sorry if it affects load times. We'll settle on one soon. I kind of like the spinning globe.
--Joe
We tried to add a visit counter to the blog, but Sandy said it didn't seem to be working. After doing a bit of checking, I found that Blogger has a widget that allows you to track your visitors' locations. I'm going to test it for a while and see how it affects performance. So, scroll down and look at just how far-ranging her network of friends really is!
UPDATE: 9/1/08
I'm not sure this map is working well--here are some places I *know* we should be seeing that aren't there. I'm going to add anothser one or two maps for a couple of days a comparison. Sorry if it affects load times. We'll settle on one soon. I kind of like the spinning globe.
--Joe
A Valium Moment
Yesterday afternoon, I picked up a Tomb Raider video game so I'd have something to do during the times I had to be awake but wasn't alert enough to read or write.
Sandy had taken her evening round of medication and was drifting off to sleep; the boys were playing upstairs, and I decided to give the game a try. As I was settling in, I heard her voice behind me:
(s): Those aren't real
(me): What?
(s): They're not hers, they're too big.
(me): Uhh...I'm playing a game, it's not a movie
(s): They're so perky...they just don't fit on her body
(me): Well, look at her tummy. Maybe they did the one where they used the belly fat.
(s): (smiling) oooh kkkk....
Lucky for me, she drifted back to sleep. I'm not sure how I would have explained Lara Croft's butt.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Saturday - Daily Update
The boys were so excited to hear that mom was coming home! We did a quick cleanup and Entropy Boy had us hang some "artwork" so mom could see it when she got home.
Everything went well when we arrived at the hospital. They were quiet, well-behaved, and didn't seem at all concerned that mom was missing the "pillows" on her chest or had hoses sticking out of her. We didn't have much trouble getting her into the car or up the stairs at the house as long as we took things slowly.
The surgery stage of the disease was now over and we were moving on to home care. Entropy Boy helped me set up a nest of pillows on the couch and we settled her in. I heated the meals which GW and LS had provided (thank you!), she caught up on correspondence, and I washed her hair for the first time since Tuesday.
Finally, we settled her back on the couch and both took naps. The last few days must have drained me more than I thought--I slept for 3 hours before Spiff woke me asking for dinner.
Overall, She's able to move around and take care of herself without too much pain. We're currently on a 4-hour schedule with the pain meds and I'm not really looking forward to the 2:15 dose. A visiting nurse will be stopping by for the next few days just to make sure everything is o.k.
Everything went well when we arrived at the hospital. They were quiet, well-behaved, and didn't seem at all concerned that mom was missing the "pillows" on her chest or had hoses sticking out of her. We didn't have much trouble getting her into the car or up the stairs at the house as long as we took things slowly.
The surgery stage of the disease was now over and we were moving on to home care. Entropy Boy helped me set up a nest of pillows on the couch and we settled her in. I heated the meals which GW and LS had provided (thank you!), she caught up on correspondence, and I washed her hair for the first time since Tuesday.
Finally, we settled her back on the couch and both took naps. The last few days must have drained me more than I thought--I slept for 3 hours before Spiff woke me asking for dinner.
Overall, She's able to move around and take care of herself without too much pain. We're currently on a 4-hour schedule with the pain meds and I'm not really looking forward to the 2:15 dose. A visiting nurse will be stopping by for the next few days just to make sure everything is o.k.
Saturday - Update from Sandy
(Sandy just submitted the following to the SL forums and asked me to cross-post it here. I'm going to try for one more of my own tonight as well.)
I was released from the hospital from this morning with a couple of great ice packs, and three Rxs. I slept so much better the last night. My roommate was quiet and courteous.
Btw, if you could pray for Anna--she's been in the hospital for a long time and doesn't know when she will be released. She's already had a colostomy and now her small intestine as a hole in it. They are hoping it will heal on it's own without surgery, but meanwhile she hasn't had anything to eat or drink for 1.5 weeks. Everything has been going in via IV. She's a teacher and misses students and just sounded so sad because it could be months before she's allowed to go back. I tried to encourage her with stories of Kore's recent travel to Malaysia. She needs hope!
I take Percocet and Valium every 4 hours. The antibiotic is every 6 hours. If I'm a good girl and don't try to do too much, I can make it ok between doses. If I try to do too much (reaching for and lifting a pillow can be "too much") then the last hour before my next dose is really hard. The ice packs are what make it bearable then.
I have two plastic tubes sewn into each of my sides to help drain fluids from the surgery site. At the end of the tubes are these flexible plastic things that catch the fluids. I don't know what they are really called because everyone calls them "grenades." I have to empty them and chart how much drainage I have per day.
A home-health nurse is stopping by tomorrow to work with me on proper wound care and avoiding infection.
Some positive aspects of today:
* I came home to some wonderful food dropped off by members of our small group. Since they know us well, they didn't feel the need to make "invalid" food. There was rosemary grilled chicken quarters, a multi-grain pilaf, a salad made of fresh basil, cherry tomatoes, and fresh mozzarella, and an ice cream pie. There was also a corn and black bean combo side dish, chicken breasts with a honey mustard sauce with a touch of curry, and a great salad with homemade dressing.
* I'm thinking I'm going to have great abs by the time I have full use of my arms again. Since I can't use my arms to brace myself to sit up, I am essentially doing crunches every time I get up. And to sit back down I have to do squats/deep knee bends. I'm trying to remember TTapp's organs in place so I don't walk around hunched over.
* I got flowers today from some friends in Arkansas. They are beautiful, and the boys are in awe that I got a balloon with them as well.
I'm counting down to my next dose of meds, so I'm off to get another ice pack until it is time. I am soooooo glad they changed the dressings today and got rid of all that tape. I was so itchy! My most painful wound is where they took additional lymph nodes after finding cancer in the first two. I have a U-shaped cut in my armpit and it really restricts my range of motion in my right (dominant) hand.
I was released from the hospital from this morning with a couple of great ice packs, and three Rxs. I slept so much better the last night. My roommate was quiet and courteous.
Btw, if you could pray for Anna--she's been in the hospital for a long time and doesn't know when she will be released. She's already had a colostomy and now her small intestine as a hole in it. They are hoping it will heal on it's own without surgery, but meanwhile she hasn't had anything to eat or drink for 1.5 weeks. Everything has been going in via IV. She's a teacher and misses students and just sounded so sad because it could be months before she's allowed to go back. I tried to encourage her with stories of Kore's recent travel to Malaysia. She needs hope!
I take Percocet and Valium every 4 hours. The antibiotic is every 6 hours. If I'm a good girl and don't try to do too much, I can make it ok between doses. If I try to do too much (reaching for and lifting a pillow can be "too much") then the last hour before my next dose is really hard. The ice packs are what make it bearable then.
I have two plastic tubes sewn into each of my sides to help drain fluids from the surgery site. At the end of the tubes are these flexible plastic things that catch the fluids. I don't know what they are really called because everyone calls them "grenades." I have to empty them and chart how much drainage I have per day.
A home-health nurse is stopping by tomorrow to work with me on proper wound care and avoiding infection.
Some positive aspects of today:
* I came home to some wonderful food dropped off by members of our small group. Since they know us well, they didn't feel the need to make "invalid" food. There was rosemary grilled chicken quarters, a multi-grain pilaf, a salad made of fresh basil, cherry tomatoes, and fresh mozzarella, and an ice cream pie. There was also a corn and black bean combo side dish, chicken breasts with a honey mustard sauce with a touch of curry, and a great salad with homemade dressing.
* I'm thinking I'm going to have great abs by the time I have full use of my arms again. Since I can't use my arms to brace myself to sit up, I am essentially doing crunches every time I get up. And to sit back down I have to do squats/deep knee bends. I'm trying to remember TTapp's organs in place so I don't walk around hunched over.
* I got flowers today from some friends in Arkansas. They are beautiful, and the boys are in awe that I got a balloon with them as well.
I'm counting down to my next dose of meds, so I'm off to get another ice pack until it is time. I am soooooo glad they changed the dressings today and got rid of all that tape. I was so itchy! My most painful wound is where they took additional lymph nodes after finding cancer in the first two. I have a U-shaped cut in my armpit and it really restricts my range of motion in my right (dominant) hand.
Food, Glorious Food. . .
We've probably mentioned to food at Yale Hospital already. Really, compared to my expectations, it was outstanding. It was like going to a really nice restaurant, except there weren't any snooty waiters. Oh, and my menu had narcotics on it instead of a wine list. (I'll have the salmon, a tossed salad, and some Valium please!) All right, I really had to request the Valium from my nurses, but you get the point. The Reuben was better than I have gotten from many diners, and the turkey club wrap had nice crispy bacon instead of stuff that had been sitting in a warming drawer for an hour. They also had grilled salmon, red beans and rice, and chicken smothered in salsa. Corn tortillas were always available, as were hard rolls, multi-grain bread, and rye from the deli. I can't even begin to list the variety of desserts, but I will say the cheesecake and apple crisp made staying in the hospital and extra day totally worth my while.
And the best part was that I was hungry enough to eat it. About 1/2 hour before my surgery began, my anesthesiologist put and anti-nausea patch behind my ear and then he gave me two more anti-nausea medicines later. He said "When your chest hurts like it is going to, the last thing you want to worry about is thowing up." I so appreciate him taking that extra precaution because the cheesecake was AWESOME!
--Sandy
And the best part was that I was hungry enough to eat it. About 1/2 hour before my surgery began, my anesthesiologist put and anti-nausea patch behind my ear and then he gave me two more anti-nausea medicines later. He said "When your chest hurts like it is going to, the last thing you want to worry about is thowing up." I so appreciate him taking that extra precaution because the cheesecake was AWESOME!
--Sandy
Saturday Morning
7:00 a.m.
Sandy just called. She slept well and it looks like she'll be discharged this morning!! More news soon.
8:30 Update
We talked again and she said the hospital is preparing the paperwork. I had the boys shower, put on clean underwear (I'm starting to understand how this works), and dig out the Nintendo DSes. We'll be heading out soon.
Last night was Spiff's turn to feel a little insecure, so I put him in our bed. When I woke up at 6:00, I found that Entropy Boy and the cat had made their way in too. Well, at least no one had a piggy stolen from the shed.
I'll make sure someone posts something when we get home, but I've already turned off the phone. The last thing we need today is the usual round of telemarketing calls.
Sandy just called. She slept well and it looks like she'll be discharged this morning!! More news soon.
8:30 Update
We talked again and she said the hospital is preparing the paperwork. I had the boys shower, put on clean underwear (I'm starting to understand how this works), and dig out the Nintendo DSes. We'll be heading out soon.
Last night was Spiff's turn to feel a little insecure, so I put him in our bed. When I woke up at 6:00, I found that Entropy Boy and the cat had made their way in too. Well, at least no one had a piggy stolen from the shed.
I'll make sure someone posts something when we get home, but I've already turned off the phone. The last thing we need today is the usual round of telemarketing calls.
Friday - One More Thing
In honor of the coming holiday, I can affirm for New Englanders that the Connecticut crawl on I-95 began well before noon today. I came to a full stop a couple of times between exit 43 and the 91/95 split at 10:30 a.m.
That or it was still residual delay from the morning commute...
That or it was still residual delay from the morning commute...
Friday, August 29, 2008
Friday - End of Day
Well, the day didn't go as well as we'd planned and Sandy didn't make it home today. She'd over-exerted herself yesterday and was in some pain last night. It had cleared up during the day but returned again in the late afternoon to the point where she said it was the worst she's experienced so far. As a result, we didn't have the boys visit.
By the end of the afternoon, the situation with Noisy Lady finally became unbearable. She had been bitching and complaining all day, was mean to her visitiors, and was refusing pain medication, even Tylenol, making the situation even worse.
It was a stressor for Sandy and when I saw the woman in the bed across from us cover her ears and cry, I talked to a nurse to see if she could encourage Noisy Lady to show a bit of consideration for her roomates. The nurse on duty for our room came and handled the situation with a skill that left me speechless. She talked to her softly and patiently, clamed her, and finally convinced her to eat and take pain medication. The woman's poor niece (grand-daughter?) continuted talking to her softly and calmly until she was finally sitting quietly in her chair.
During this time, Sandy's pain was starting to increase. I held her hands and rubbed her back until it was time for the nurse to administer the next round of medication.
Meanwhile, Super Nurse had arranged for Sandy to be moved to a new room. Yea! We moved her in. Her roomate was watching tv quietly when we arrived and politely took a phone call--that's it. As the medication was taking effect, I downloaded about a dozen MP3s of calm classical music from Amazon to the new computer. She eventually drifted off to sleep, with the music in an endless loop.
So after a night of ATV-Girl with the bad attitude and hip-hop ringtones, and a night of Noisy Lady suffering in anything but silence, it looks like she'll finally get a good night's sleep.
I finally arrived home at about 9:00 p.m. and ran into one of our neighbors. I briefed him on the situation and told us how impressed they were with the fact that MM had given so much time to help with the kids and that she was doing such a good job of it.
The boys had a good day playing over at JB's house this afternoon and went to the Eli Whitney museum with SW before MM and her husband took them to our house. For the last few months Friday night has been family Mario Kart night for the boys and, luckily for the them, PM made sure they didn't miss out.
By the end of the afternoon, the situation with Noisy Lady finally became unbearable. She had been bitching and complaining all day, was mean to her visitiors, and was refusing pain medication, even Tylenol, making the situation even worse.
It was a stressor for Sandy and when I saw the woman in the bed across from us cover her ears and cry, I talked to a nurse to see if she could encourage Noisy Lady to show a bit of consideration for her roomates. The nurse on duty for our room came and handled the situation with a skill that left me speechless. She talked to her softly and patiently, clamed her, and finally convinced her to eat and take pain medication. The woman's poor niece (grand-daughter?) continuted talking to her softly and calmly until she was finally sitting quietly in her chair.
During this time, Sandy's pain was starting to increase. I held her hands and rubbed her back until it was time for the nurse to administer the next round of medication.
Meanwhile, Super Nurse had arranged for Sandy to be moved to a new room. Yea! We moved her in. Her roomate was watching tv quietly when we arrived and politely took a phone call--that's it. As the medication was taking effect, I downloaded about a dozen MP3s of calm classical music from Amazon to the new computer. She eventually drifted off to sleep, with the music in an endless loop.
So after a night of ATV-Girl with the bad attitude and hip-hop ringtones, and a night of Noisy Lady suffering in anything but silence, it looks like she'll finally get a good night's sleep.
I finally arrived home at about 9:00 p.m. and ran into one of our neighbors. I briefed him on the situation and told us how impressed they were with the fact that MM had given so much time to help with the kids and that she was doing such a good job of it.
The boys had a good day playing over at JB's house this afternoon and went to the Eli Whitney museum with SW before MM and her husband took them to our house. For the last few months Friday night has been family Mario Kart night for the boys and, luckily for the them, PM made sure they didn't miss out.
Friday Afternoon
Not only did I forget my list of things to blog, I'm finally starting to grow weary. EB came in at 6:00 a.m. asking if he could play on the computer. I told him to climb into bed with me and rest for a while. I don't think he actually slept--every 15 minutes or so he'd wake me and ask if it was time to get up yet. I finally gave up and we got out of bed around 7:00. I'll try to write a couple of quick updates this afternoon and catch up on the serious writing tonight.
They brought in a new roommate last night: A woman in her 80's who fractured her shoulder in a fall. She was in pain and made a lot of noise so Sandy didn't sleep well last night. Today, she's very loud and is having trouble adjusting to the situation here. It seems like she's used to being in control and now she is adjusting to not being in control. It's been interesting to watch people dealing with not being in control of their situation here in the ICU over the last few days. Perhaps a medical professional has a few thoughts about how people react to these situations to share in the comments?
Sandy was awake when I arrived today and was very excited to see the new computer. I got it setup and she immediately began catching up reading. During lunch (she had chicken-salad today) they moved noisy-woman out for some physical therapy, so Sandy took advantage of the quiet to catch a nap. JB sent some photos of the boys from the last few days. I set them up as a slideshow on her computer to surprise her when she awoke.
Noisy-woman came back, Sandy woke up, and has been watching the pictures along with some quiet music for the last half-hour.
If she's going to stay the night, we'll probably bring the boys by to see her. They all miss each other so much!
We're continually being amazed and humbled by the support we're receiving from our church. The women are arranging someone to visit with her daily just to keep her company and help with little tasks. We're also going to be receiving meals for a while longer, too. Thank you all so much!
They brought in a new roommate last night: A woman in her 80's who fractured her shoulder in a fall. She was in pain and made a lot of noise so Sandy didn't sleep well last night. Today, she's very loud and is having trouble adjusting to the situation here. It seems like she's used to being in control and now she is adjusting to not being in control. It's been interesting to watch people dealing with not being in control of their situation here in the ICU over the last few days. Perhaps a medical professional has a few thoughts about how people react to these situations to share in the comments?
Sandy was awake when I arrived today and was very excited to see the new computer. I got it setup and she immediately began catching up reading. During lunch (she had chicken-salad today) they moved noisy-woman out for some physical therapy, so Sandy took advantage of the quiet to catch a nap. JB sent some photos of the boys from the last few days. I set them up as a slideshow on her computer to surprise her when she awoke.
Noisy-woman came back, Sandy woke up, and has been watching the pictures along with some quiet music for the last half-hour.
If she's going to stay the night, we'll probably bring the boys by to see her. They all miss each other so much!
We're continually being amazed and humbled by the support we're receiving from our church. The women are arranging someone to visit with her daily just to keep her company and help with little tasks. We're also going to be receiving meals for a while longer, too. Thank you all so much!
Friday Morning Update
I've been having a bit of trouble accessing my google accounts this morning, so today's update is a bit delayed. I'm going to compose offline and post it as soon as I can.
I picked up a little subnotebook , an Acer Aspire One, for Sandy on the way to the hospital. It's small and light and she's able to handle it easily. She's beginning to catch up on her forums, emails, and blog comments. Expect to hear from her as soon as she's done laughing about the SL forum thread about 'possum in someone's bathtub.
I picked up a little subnotebook , an Acer Aspire One, for Sandy on the way to the hospital. It's small and light and she's able to handle it easily. She's beginning to catch up on her forums, emails, and blog comments. Expect to hear from her as soon as she's done laughing about the SL forum thread about 'possum in someone's bathtub.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday - Wrap Up
11:50 p.m.
I just wrapped up the evenings calls to our families. I've got so much more to write than I've got words or energy right now, but I'll at least try to summarize the end of the day and continue writing in the morning.
We had a little time together after the pastor left and then the nurse and interns came in to check on her. They changed her gown, emptied the drains, took a few readings, and gave her some more pain medication. The doctor in charge (I forgot his title) said that things looked good and she'd probably be able to go home tomorow. I sat by the bed and held her hand until she was ready to sleep.
The boys were in bed, but not asleep, when I got home at 8:30. We talked for a while and I spent a lot of time reassuring them that mom was feeling much better and would be home soon. Spiff wondered why they weren't able to visit--could he catch the cancer? He asked if we could have a day when they do nothing. And he asked when mom would be coming home. Soon, probably tomorrow, I repled. Then I asked him to tell me more of what he was feeling. "Why is it hard", I smiled a little, "nobody seems to miss dad that much when he's gone." "Mom is different," he explained, "she's always here with us". He had a lot of trouble getting to sleep tonight as the stress began to make his everyday concerns seem much more overhelming. I had to go in and comfort him several times before he finally gave in to sleep at 10:00 p.m. Entropy Boy, on the other hand, simply collapsed to sleep like an unwound top. I had to put an arm and leg back into the bed and pull up the covers.
The night wasn't all sad, however. I've got eleven things left on my list to blog and a couple of funny stories to tell tomorrow; when, hopefully, mom will be here with us again at bedtime.
I just wrapped up the evenings calls to our families. I've got so much more to write than I've got words or energy right now, but I'll at least try to summarize the end of the day and continue writing in the morning.
We had a little time together after the pastor left and then the nurse and interns came in to check on her. They changed her gown, emptied the drains, took a few readings, and gave her some more pain medication. The doctor in charge (I forgot his title) said that things looked good and she'd probably be able to go home tomorow. I sat by the bed and held her hand until she was ready to sleep.
The boys were in bed, but not asleep, when I got home at 8:30. We talked for a while and I spent a lot of time reassuring them that mom was feeling much better and would be home soon. Spiff wondered why they weren't able to visit--could he catch the cancer? He asked if we could have a day when they do nothing. And he asked when mom would be coming home. Soon, probably tomorrow, I repled. Then I asked him to tell me more of what he was feeling. "Why is it hard", I smiled a little, "nobody seems to miss dad that much when he's gone." "Mom is different," he explained, "she's always here with us". He had a lot of trouble getting to sleep tonight as the stress began to make his everyday concerns seem much more overhelming. I had to go in and comfort him several times before he finally gave in to sleep at 10:00 p.m. Entropy Boy, on the other hand, simply collapsed to sleep like an unwound top. I had to put an arm and leg back into the bed and pull up the covers.
The night wasn't all sad, however. I've got eleven things left on my list to blog and a couple of funny stories to tell tomorrow; when, hopefully, mom will be here with us again at bedtime.
Thursday- Early Evening
We just finished talking to our pastor. Sandy has been changed into a clean gown and has received a round of strong pain medication. I'll be leaving shortly as she drifts to sleep.
For some reason I've simply run out of words as I try to blog about the afternoon and his visit. I'll finish before bed.
For some reason I've simply run out of words as I try to blog about the afternoon and his visit. I'll finish before bed.
Thursday - Late Afternoon Update
Sandy was still sleeping after I finished lunch, so I went to the family waiting area (the noisy crowded one from last night). A woman had left her bags in the room, but there was no one there. I turned off the loud television and settled into a bit of reading. After a while she came back and turned on the tv. We gave each other dirty looks--she to me: "how dare you turn off my tv?" and I to her: "how dare you turn on the tv"--and I resigned myself to listening to afternoon soaps for a while.
When I returned to the room, ATV-girl had removed her neck brace, pulled out the IV and checked herself out "against medical advice". Sandy now has the room to herself for a while. We went for a walk around the ICU. She's moving around pretty well as long as she doesn't swing her arms.
MM and the boys called. Spiff was very excited because a package had arrived with their names on it! (Last week she ordered something from the Popcorn Shop to be delivered today. ) They wished each other well and the nurse came to empty her drains.
He said that the drains looked good, one of the four may be ready to come out soon, and encouraged her to keep blowing on the hookah. It evidently helps prevent fluid build-up in the lungs.
Tonight she ordered comfort food for dinner: Meatloaf with gravy, mashed potatoes butter, green beans gingerale and apple crisp. As we wait for it to arrive, she enjoyed the Nintendo DS that DR loaned us until the medication eventually made it hard to play Word-johng. She's now resting again. I was tempted to in a paint program to see what she'd draw.
Our pastor is visiting soon, so I'll post again later.
When I returned to the room, ATV-girl had removed her neck brace, pulled out the IV and checked herself out "against medical advice". Sandy now has the room to herself for a while. We went for a walk around the ICU. She's moving around pretty well as long as she doesn't swing her arms.
MM and the boys called. Spiff was very excited because a package had arrived with their names on it! (Last week she ordered something from the Popcorn Shop to be delivered today. ) They wished each other well and the nurse came to empty her drains.
He said that the drains looked good, one of the four may be ready to come out soon, and encouraged her to keep blowing on the hookah. It evidently helps prevent fluid build-up in the lungs.
Tonight she ordered comfort food for dinner: Meatloaf with gravy, mashed potatoes butter, green beans gingerale and apple crisp. As we wait for it to arrive, she enjoyed the Nintendo DS that DR loaned us until the medication eventually made it hard to play Word-johng. She's now resting again. I was tempted to in a paint program to see what she'd draw.
Our pastor is visiting soon, so I'll post again later.
Thursday Afternoon Update
Sandy read through all the blog and forum comments when I arrived and it really cheered her up. I think she might have also posted to SL, but she said she's having trouble forming sentences and gave up trying to write for now.
She's in a semi-private room by the nursing station. It's a little noisy but she said it hasn't bothered her. Her roomate was in an ATV accident and is being attended by her mother. Earlier today there was also a pleasant older woman who had been in for thyroid surgery.
The lunch menu at YNH Hospital looks like it's from a nice Bistro and includes everything from vegetarian dishes to comfort foods like beef and gravy, mac and cheese and burgers. I checked, but didn't see any green Jello. Perhaps we could have special-ordered it. She chose a Ruben and was able to eat almost all without any problems.
A short while ago, she asked me to brush her hair, but when I couldn't quite figure it out (hey, I never played with dolls!), she gave up and did it herself without any pain.
There's a device like this that she's supposed to breathe into every now and then:
I'd swear it's a hookah pipe, but she says it's a breathing exercise. If she can raise all three balls, it shows she's getting some of her strength back. During the last 2-1/2 hours, she's gone from 1-1/2 balls to raising all three.
She's probably going to go home tomorrow. We're not sure yet if we'll have the boys visit. Sandy's a little concerned that it might be a bit much for them to see her hooked up to all the tubes. We'll see.
She's drifting off to sleep now, I'll probably wander down to the cafeteria for some Sushi (YNHH is a great place). I'll post again in another couple of hours.
She's in a semi-private room by the nursing station. It's a little noisy but she said it hasn't bothered her. Her roomate was in an ATV accident and is being attended by her mother. Earlier today there was also a pleasant older woman who had been in for thyroid surgery.
The lunch menu at YNH Hospital looks like it's from a nice Bistro and includes everything from vegetarian dishes to comfort foods like beef and gravy, mac and cheese and burgers. I checked, but didn't see any green Jello. Perhaps we could have special-ordered it. She chose a Ruben and was able to eat almost all without any problems.
A short while ago, she asked me to brush her hair, but when I couldn't quite figure it out (hey, I never played with dolls!), she gave up and did it herself without any pain.
There's a device like this that she's supposed to breathe into every now and then:
I'd swear it's a hookah pipe, but she says it's a breathing exercise. If she can raise all three balls, it shows she's getting some of her strength back. During the last 2-1/2 hours, she's gone from 1-1/2 balls to raising all three.
She's probably going to go home tomorrow. We're not sure yet if we'll have the boys visit. Sandy's a little concerned that it might be a bit much for them to see her hooked up to all the tubes. We'll see.
She's drifting off to sleep now, I'll probably wander down to the cafeteria for some Sushi (YNHH is a great place). I'll post again in another couple of hours.
Visiting Hours
Not wanting to disappoint her by being late, I arrived for the 11:00 start of visiting hours by 10:57. Sandy was awake, alert, and didn't seem to be in much pain. My biggest concern now is that her head is full of ideas after spending a morning watching HGTV.
We've spent the last half hour reading emails and blog comments. They're changing some dressings now, but she wants to post something soon; cross posting to both the blog and SL.
After the boys finish their schoolwork, MM plans to take them swimming at a friend's lake. LS from church contacted us about bringing dinner. The church is really surrounding us with help and love. Thank you!
We've spent the last half hour reading emails and blog comments. They're changing some dressings now, but she wants to post something soon; cross posting to both the blog and SL.
After the boys finish their schoolwork, MM plans to take them swimming at a friend's lake. LS from church contacted us about bringing dinner. The church is really surrounding us with help and love. Thank you!
Thursday Morning
Visiting hours are at 11:00 today. MM should be here soon and I'll be off to the hospital. Spiff is very proud of his new Clone Trooper costume:
He's using the image as part of a get-well card for mom.
He's using the image as part of a get-well card for mom.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Goodnight All!
11:00 p.m.
I left the hospital at about 8:45 as Sandy was drifting off to sleep. For the next two hours I made more calls to friends and family than I can count. Forgive me if I was supposed to call and missed you.
MM was in good spirits when I arrived and she's eager to see the boys again tomorrow. Visiting hours begin at 11:00 a.m. and I'm planning to read the latest email, blog, and forum posts aloud during my visit. I think she's also going to dictate a post or two, so check in during mid-afternoon for the latest.
I left the hospital at about 8:45 as Sandy was drifting off to sleep. For the next two hours I made more calls to friends and family than I can count. Forgive me if I was supposed to call and missed you.
MM was in good spirits when I arrived and she's eager to see the boys again tomorrow. Visiting hours begin at 11:00 a.m. and I'm planning to read the latest email, blog, and forum posts aloud during my visit. I think she's also going to dictate a post or two, so check in during mid-afternoon for the latest.
Surgery is over!
8:30 pm
The staff took me to her room. Her body, now broken, was draped in white sheets and I was as happy to see her as when I first saw her on our wedding day nearly 20 years ago. She was awake and alert.
The intern ran a few tests, adjusted her morphene, and left us alone for a while. I gave her some juice, put vaseline on her lips, and we held hands until the pain subsided.
She asked me to read through the day's blogs, comments, and emails. We laughed, we cried, and we felt your love and concern. Thank you all.
Since I arrived so late, the nurse at the desk took pity on me and let me stay an extra half-hour past the end of visiting hours. Finally, it was time to leave and drive home, alone.
The staff took me to her room. Her body, now broken, was draped in white sheets and I was as happy to see her as when I first saw her on our wedding day nearly 20 years ago. She was awake and alert.
The intern ran a few tests, adjusted her morphene, and left us alone for a while. I gave her some juice, put vaseline on her lips, and we held hands until the pain subsided.
She asked me to read through the day's blogs, comments, and emails. We laughed, we cried, and we felt your love and concern. Thank you all.
Since I arrived so late, the nurse at the desk took pity on me and let me stay an extra half-hour past the end of visiting hours. Finally, it was time to leave and drive home, alone.
Still Waiting Outside the ICU
7:30 p.m.
When I got upstairs, she hadn't yet been moved and the nurses directed me to the "family" waiting area. The three rooms were overrun with families (it looks like one of whom had brought in a big spread of dinner) so I found a quiet spot on a hallway window to catch up on my calls and writing.
Two windows down, a little girl EB's age is playing finger games with her grandmother while they wait for someone they love. A little while ago, I said a quiet prayer for them and felt an overwhelming sense of compassion for the girl, grandma, and all the other people who were anonymously sharing this day, and a day of their own stories, with me. Even for the loud cell-phone talkers.
I called home and talked to each boy, telling them that mom was out of surgery and doing well. They might want to have her stay an extra day or two, just to make sure everything was o.k., but there was nothing to worry about. Hearing MM's stories about their day made her happy and she can't wait to be home with them again.
MM is getting them ready for bed now and has a couple of bedtime stories picked out. Spiff gets to be the story reader.
Gotta go now, someone just came to take me to the ICU. Finally, we get to be together again!
Out of Surgery and into Recovery
6:15 p.m.
After I met with the plastic surgeon, the waiting-room volunteer told me that I had about an hour and a half until I could see her after surgery. During the next 45 min I called her family, updated the blog and grabbed a quick bite to eat. While I was on my way back to the room the volunteer called and said she was ready early!
The recovery room nurse told me that we could have 10 min together. Although she'd been through about 8-1/2 hours of surgery, she didn't really look much worse than she did this morning.
I kissed her forehead and she opened her eyes. She smiled, whispered "I love you"...and immediately asked me about the results of the test on the nodes. Deflated by the news, she started to tear up and I did my best to reassure her that the surgeon said that this only meant that we need to fight a little more aggressively now--all of the scans still showed that it hadn't spread to other systems. I recounted MM's stories about Spiff and the Clone Trooper suit and the fresh lump from his brother hitting him on the head with a frisbee and she was smiling again.
We shared a few quiet moments and I was whisked away to wait again. Although she was in obvious pain, I still saw in her eyes the love for the boys and me that has been there through all the years.
Got to go--the volunteer told me she's now being moved to her room in the ICU. More later, perhaps from another waiting room or hopefully from bedside.
After I met with the plastic surgeon, the waiting-room volunteer told me that I had about an hour and a half until I could see her after surgery. During the next 45 min I called her family, updated the blog and grabbed a quick bite to eat. While I was on my way back to the room the volunteer called and said she was ready early!
The recovery room nurse told me that we could have 10 min together. Although she'd been through about 8-1/2 hours of surgery, she didn't really look much worse than she did this morning.
I kissed her forehead and she opened her eyes. She smiled, whispered "I love you"...and immediately asked me about the results of the test on the nodes. Deflated by the news, she started to tear up and I did my best to reassure her that the surgeon said that this only meant that we need to fight a little more aggressively now--all of the scans still showed that it hadn't spread to other systems. I recounted MM's stories about Spiff and the Clone Trooper suit and the fresh lump from his brother hitting him on the head with a frisbee and she was smiling again.
We shared a few quiet moments and I was whisked away to wait again. Although she was in obvious pain, I still saw in her eyes the love for the boys and me that has been there through all the years.
Got to go--the volunteer told me she's now being moved to her room in the ICU. More later, perhaps from another waiting room or hopefully from bedside.
Surgery Complete
5:15 p.m.
I just talked with the plastic surgeon. His part also went well--the expanders are in and she has a total of 4 drains, two on each side. They'll probably be in for 7 to 14 days.
Because the surgery was so extensive, he said that her plan to go home tomorrow were a bit optimistic. She'll probably need two days in the hospital to get the pain under control before she can return home. I passed the news on to her family and then called MM who again reassured me that she'd have no problem helping us over the next couple of days. She said the boys are having fun playing in the yard--The Clone Trooper costume that Spiff ordered off of Amazon arrived today and they're on the jungle gym saving the neighborhood from the Dark Side. (I'll try to get a picture up tomorrow.)
In another hour and a half, I should be able to see her in the recovery room.
I just talked with the plastic surgeon. His part also went well--the expanders are in and she has a total of 4 drains, two on each side. They'll probably be in for 7 to 14 days.
Because the surgery was so extensive, he said that her plan to go home tomorrow were a bit optimistic. She'll probably need two days in the hospital to get the pain under control before she can return home. I passed the news on to her family and then called MM who again reassured me that she'd have no problem helping us over the next couple of days. She said the boys are having fun playing in the yard--The Clone Trooper costume that Spiff ordered off of Amazon arrived today and they're on the jungle gym saving the neighborhood from the Dark Side. (I'll try to get a picture up tomorrow.)
In another hour and a half, I should be able to see her in the recovery room.
Nearing the End
3:30 p.m.
About an hour and a half until I hear from the plastic surgeon and another hour and a half until I get to see her in recovery.
So far, there have been two complete changeovers of waiting room occupants and one of the staff. I've received over 10 emails and blog replies during that time. Thanks everyone!
TV proceeded from Judge Lopez to Judge Brown and I was about to resign myself to having to listen to Judge Judy when Tolivar stopped by. He'll be keeping me company for a while and we've already enjoyed a cup of coffee and a few laughs. What a welcome relief!
More news when I get it.
About an hour and a half until I hear from the plastic surgeon and another hour and a half until I get to see her in recovery.
So far, there have been two complete changeovers of waiting room occupants and one of the staff. I've received over 10 emails and blog replies during that time. Thanks everyone!
TV proceeded from Judge Lopez to Judge Brown and I was about to resign myself to having to listen to Judge Judy when Tolivar stopped by. He'll be keeping me company for a while and we've already enjoyed a cup of coffee and a few laughs. What a welcome relief!
More news when I get it.
News From the Surgeon
1:10 p.m.
The surgeon came out about 10 min ago to see me. She made it well through his (masectomy) portion of the operation, the plastic surgeon is now working on the reconstruction.
Overall, the surgeon said it went well with very little blood loss. He intially took out four lymph nodes, two of which tested positive, so he had to go back in and take out some more for further testing. He said this downgrades the cancer from a Stage 2 to a Stage 3. Although the other tests didn't find the presence of cancer anywhere else in her body, the fact that it was in her lymph nodes means that they're going to have to use a stronger and more aggressive chemotherapy.
He said that she may be released tomorrow, if she recovers well, but may need to stay an extra day or two because the surgery was so extensive.
I'll post more as I learn more.
The surgeon came out about 10 min ago to see me. She made it well through his (masectomy) portion of the operation, the plastic surgeon is now working on the reconstruction.
Overall, the surgeon said it went well with very little blood loss. He intially took out four lymph nodes, two of which tested positive, so he had to go back in and take out some more for further testing. He said this downgrades the cancer from a Stage 2 to a Stage 3. Although the other tests didn't find the presence of cancer anywhere else in her body, the fact that it was in her lymph nodes means that they're going to have to use a stronger and more aggressive chemotherapy.
He said that she may be released tomorrow, if she recovers well, but may need to stay an extra day or two because the surgery was so extensive.
I'll post more as I learn more.
No News, but Thanks
11:00 a.m.
I've been in the waiting room over two hours and it's cleared out and quieted down. My companions are now a couple, who have been here as long as me, and two other people. The Hip-Hop Abs infomercial has been replaced by The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet doing a bit on harassment by debt collectors. After about 6 cups of waiting-room coffee, I've been able to settle in and do a bit of writing.
We've tried to reassure our families that even though we're half of a continent away, we're far from alone. Sandy's done a good job of writing about our church and her friends, both online and locally, but one group of people we haven't yet written about are my friends.
BE and I have been friends for about twelve years. We've shared a lot of life during that time, including career changes, two moves for two employers and kids. (We somehow wound up with sons that are three weeks apart.) He was the first one I called after we got the diagnosis and we've talked nearly every day since. Since he knows us both well he's been a great source of advice, reminding me, for example, not to show too much excitement over the Goth wigs, lest she become concerned.
I've had a tremendous amount of support and help from the guys at work. JD has empathically listened and shared some of his own stories with me. My managers, DR and JW, have repeatedly reminded me that Sandy is my most important job and have been very accommodating in allowing me to adjust my schedule so I can make as many medical visits as I can. My teammates TL, AD, RS, and TH have done such a good job filling in the gaps that I’m a little worried that they’ll figure out they don’t need me.
One day I asked DR, a consummate gamer, if it would be worth getting Sandy a Nintendo DS to play during all the waiting. He told me not to buy one and loaned us his. When TW heard, he also loaned us one saying, "You’ve got two boys, this will keep them both busy". Thanks guys!
It's been great to have you here to encourage, listen and offer your own thoughts on the Goth wigs.
I should hear from the Surgeon in the next hour or two and will post another update then. Mike and Juliet are now talking about Cellulite procedures.
I've been in the waiting room over two hours and it's cleared out and quieted down. My companions are now a couple, who have been here as long as me, and two other people. The Hip-Hop Abs infomercial has been replaced by The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet doing a bit on harassment by debt collectors. After about 6 cups of waiting-room coffee, I've been able to settle in and do a bit of writing.
We've tried to reassure our families that even though we're half of a continent away, we're far from alone. Sandy's done a good job of writing about our church and her friends, both online and locally, but one group of people we haven't yet written about are my friends.
BE and I have been friends for about twelve years. We've shared a lot of life during that time, including career changes, two moves for two employers and kids. (We somehow wound up with sons that are three weeks apart.) He was the first one I called after we got the diagnosis and we've talked nearly every day since. Since he knows us both well he's been a great source of advice, reminding me, for example, not to show too much excitement over the Goth wigs, lest she become concerned.
I've had a tremendous amount of support and help from the guys at work. JD has empathically listened and shared some of his own stories with me. My managers, DR and JW, have repeatedly reminded me that Sandy is my most important job and have been very accommodating in allowing me to adjust my schedule so I can make as many medical visits as I can. My teammates TL, AD, RS, and TH have done such a good job filling in the gaps that I’m a little worried that they’ll figure out they don’t need me.
One day I asked DR, a consummate gamer, if it would be worth getting Sandy a Nintendo DS to play during all the waiting. He told me not to buy one and loaned us his. When TW heard, he also loaned us one saying, "You’ve got two boys, this will keep them both busy". Thanks guys!
It's been great to have you here to encourage, listen and offer your own thoughts on the Goth wigs.
I should hear from the Surgeon in the next hour or two and will post another update then. Mike and Juliet are now talking about Cellulite procedures.
And so it Begins
8:30 a.m.
I'm settling in to the waiting room at Yale-New Haven for what they tell me will be about a 10 hour stay--8 1/2 hours surgery followed by 90 min in recovery. We met the surgeon, who told me his part will take about 4-1/2 hours. If we hold to that schedule, I should have some news by about 2:00 EST.
We arose at 5:30 this morning (early for Sandra!) and MM arrived at 6:15. She and Sandy went over final details for a while and then Entropy Boy stumbled down the stairs and began talking to MM. After a few minutes I told him to give her a break so she could settle in, but she said it was fine--because she never hears EB say that many words in a whole day with his brother around! (If you've seen them in person, you know what I mean. Spiff sometimes gets "talking timeouts") MM is fantastic, they're probably in better care in her hands than mine.
After a quick drive to the hospital we went to the pre-admission check in, where everything went very quickly. She changed into a gown that attaches to a warm-air heater and we enjoyed a little quiet before the admitting nurse came to finish the preparations. Sandy has been as cheerful and relaxed this morning as she's ever been: when the admitting nurse asked if there was any chance she could be pregnant, she replied "absolutely none whatsoever!" with such conviction it made us all laugh.
The waiting room is very nice: comfortable furniture, windows with a decent view, snacks and coffee available, and the T.V., although tuned to an infomercial channel is quiet enough that it's not disturbing. (The current offer to lose 6 pounds in 3 days looks very appealing, if only I could dance like those girls) My initial companions were a middle-aged couple who seemed to be planning some kind of home construction and an older-man we'd talked to in the elevator. Within a half-hour the room was filled with a cross-section of humanity: everyone from a guy in a Bike Week t-shirt to someone in a suit. Several of them are talking too damn loudly on their phones. I'm cocooned in my music shooting them an occasional dirty look.
More later.
I'm settling in to the waiting room at Yale-New Haven for what they tell me will be about a 10 hour stay--8 1/2 hours surgery followed by 90 min in recovery. We met the surgeon, who told me his part will take about 4-1/2 hours. If we hold to that schedule, I should have some news by about 2:00 EST.
We arose at 5:30 this morning (early for Sandra!) and MM arrived at 6:15. She and Sandy went over final details for a while and then Entropy Boy stumbled down the stairs and began talking to MM. After a few minutes I told him to give her a break so she could settle in, but she said it was fine--because she never hears EB say that many words in a whole day with his brother around! (If you've seen them in person, you know what I mean. Spiff sometimes gets "talking timeouts") MM is fantastic, they're probably in better care in her hands than mine.
After a quick drive to the hospital we went to the pre-admission check in, where everything went very quickly. She changed into a gown that attaches to a warm-air heater and we enjoyed a little quiet before the admitting nurse came to finish the preparations. Sandy has been as cheerful and relaxed this morning as she's ever been: when the admitting nurse asked if there was any chance she could be pregnant, she replied "absolutely none whatsoever!" with such conviction it made us all laugh.
The waiting room is very nice: comfortable furniture, windows with a decent view, snacks and coffee available, and the T.V., although tuned to an infomercial channel is quiet enough that it's not disturbing. (The current offer to lose 6 pounds in 3 days looks very appealing, if only I could dance like those girls) My initial companions were a middle-aged couple who seemed to be planning some kind of home construction and an older-man we'd talked to in the elevator. Within a half-hour the room was filled with a cross-section of humanity: everyone from a guy in a Bike Week t-shirt to someone in a suit. Several of them are talking too damn loudly on their phones. I'm cocooned in my music shooting them an occasional dirty look.
More later.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Grace is Raining Down
Tomorrow morning is it. The big surgery.
I saw the plastic surgeon for my pre-op appointment today and he marked up my breasts and chest. He marked either side of my sternum and put some hash marks between the lines. He called it the "no-fly zone." LOL He let me pick which color he was going to mark me--I chose red. "Go for the gusto!" he said. The markers were in a velvet pouch and had a drug company's name on them. I asked if they were just Sharpies and he sheepishly admitted that they were. I love my plastic surgeon; he makes me laugh. We also talked about his difficulties getting a visa for getting into China. He's going to go work on cleft palates/mouths there. He's a real person outside of this whole cancer thing of mine. It is good to get a sense of that.
This morning, after I left for my appointment, the cleaning woman met with Joe and went over the list of things we'd like to have her clean. I just feel so blessed that our friends have offered to have her come help us. It is not something that we can repay. It is just grace. Pure and simple grace.
This evening, another homeschooling friend stopped by with four meals for the freezer. Her sons each made a quiche and signed them (so sweet!) along with the baking directions. Along with the meals she brought a huge grocery sack of paper plates and cups and plastic cutlery. Grace is raining down.
One of our pastors stopped by tonight to pray for us. We talked about how the cancer in my life has brought so many opportunities for growth and blessing in ways I never even thought possible. He said it has been the same for the church as a whole. We have all learned and grown as they have walked with me through this. My boys have learned first-hand what Christ's church looks like in action. Graced heaped up, shaken down, and overflowing.
I suppose I should be more nervous. But that is grace too. Unmerited favor, and the strength to do what lies before me. "Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit" says the Lord. So while this is an end to my breasts, it is just another step in the journey toward wholeness. Amen and amen.
I saw the plastic surgeon for my pre-op appointment today and he marked up my breasts and chest. He marked either side of my sternum and put some hash marks between the lines. He called it the "no-fly zone." LOL He let me pick which color he was going to mark me--I chose red. "Go for the gusto!" he said. The markers were in a velvet pouch and had a drug company's name on them. I asked if they were just Sharpies and he sheepishly admitted that they were. I love my plastic surgeon; he makes me laugh. We also talked about his difficulties getting a visa for getting into China. He's going to go work on cleft palates/mouths there. He's a real person outside of this whole cancer thing of mine. It is good to get a sense of that.
This morning, after I left for my appointment, the cleaning woman met with Joe and went over the list of things we'd like to have her clean. I just feel so blessed that our friends have offered to have her come help us. It is not something that we can repay. It is just grace. Pure and simple grace.
This evening, another homeschooling friend stopped by with four meals for the freezer. Her sons each made a quiche and signed them (so sweet!) along with the baking directions. Along with the meals she brought a huge grocery sack of paper plates and cups and plastic cutlery. Grace is raining down.
One of our pastors stopped by tonight to pray for us. We talked about how the cancer in my life has brought so many opportunities for growth and blessing in ways I never even thought possible. He said it has been the same for the church as a whole. We have all learned and grown as they have walked with me through this. My boys have learned first-hand what Christ's church looks like in action. Graced heaped up, shaken down, and overflowing.
I suppose I should be more nervous. But that is grace too. Unmerited favor, and the strength to do what lies before me. "Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit" says the Lord. So while this is an end to my breasts, it is just another step in the journey toward wholeness. Amen and amen.
Oh the Places You'll Go
I decided to count all of Sandy's medical visits before tomorrow's surgery. Her initial visit and tests were July 3. From then until now she's had the following medical visits:
Ob/Gyn: 2
Imaging/Tests/Lab: 7
Surgeons: 7
Oncologist: 1
Physicians: 2
Dentist: 2
Grand total: 21 visits in about 7 weeks, excluding pharmacies. There are also about 6 prescriptions as well. For about 3/4 of them, someone has been there to help us with the kids so I wouldn't have to miss work. It's humbling to be on the receiving end of so much love and knowing that there's so little you can do in return. Thanks everyone.
I'll try to update the blog throughout the surgery tomorrow, as long as I can find internet access.
Joe
Ob/Gyn: 2
Imaging/Tests/Lab: 7
Surgeons: 7
Oncologist: 1
Physicians: 2
Dentist: 2
Grand total: 21 visits in about 7 weeks, excluding pharmacies. There are also about 6 prescriptions as well. For about 3/4 of them, someone has been there to help us with the kids so I wouldn't have to miss work. It's humbling to be on the receiving end of so much love and knowing that there's so little you can do in return. Thanks everyone.
I'll try to update the blog throughout the surgery tomorrow, as long as I can find internet access.
Joe
Monday, August 25, 2008
My To-Do List
I'm counting down in hours now instead of days. 
The house is cleaned up and the laundry is all done. I still need to make a list of to-dos and cleaning supplies. Someone from our small group is blessing us with a cleaning woman to come in every two weeks and I have to figure out my top priorities.
My bag is not packed. I need to figure out which bag I'm going to use--I don't think I want to have a carry-on suitcase because that seems like overkill for a (hopefully) overnight hospital stay.
A friend from church handed me a bag on Sunday. Two novels (one Agatha Christie!), her copy of the Pride and Prejudice DVDs, some back issues women's magazines for me, and a bunch of back issues of Scientific American for dh. It totally touched my heart. So between the magazines, a DS from a co-worker, the WiFi at the hospital, and a knitting buddy from church who works at Yale Hospital offering to help him find the best coffee and food, Joe is set.
I need to make a list of assignments for the substitute teacher.
The wonderful young woman who is taking care of our kids is a middle-school music teacher IRL. Her school doesn't start until Tuesday, so she's getting her classroom ready early in the week and then taking care of our kids all day Wednesday and part of the day Thursday. She said she was willing to work through the boys' assignments with them. They'll probably go to the lake in the afternoons. They will be in such good hands!
I need to make sure we have quick and easy lunch and snack fixings for Wednesday and Thursday. Our small group is providing meals on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. We'll eat leftovers on Sunday. Monday a new rotation of meals will start.
I feel like I'm forgetting things. What else do I need to do before surgery?
The house is cleaned up and the laundry is all done. I still need to make a list of to-dos and cleaning supplies. Someone from our small group is blessing us with a cleaning woman to come in every two weeks and I have to figure out my top priorities.
My bag is not packed. I need to figure out which bag I'm going to use--I don't think I want to have a carry-on suitcase because that seems like overkill for a (hopefully) overnight hospital stay.
A friend from church handed me a bag on Sunday. Two novels (one Agatha Christie!), her copy of the Pride and Prejudice DVDs, some back issues women's magazines for me, and a bunch of back issues of Scientific American for dh. It totally touched my heart. So between the magazines, a DS from a co-worker, the WiFi at the hospital, and a knitting buddy from church who works at Yale Hospital offering to help him find the best coffee and food, Joe is set.
I need to make a list of assignments for the substitute teacher.
The wonderful young woman who is taking care of our kids is a middle-school music teacher IRL. Her school doesn't start until Tuesday, so she's getting her classroom ready early in the week and then taking care of our kids all day Wednesday and part of the day Thursday. She said she was willing to work through the boys' assignments with them. They'll probably go to the lake in the afternoons. They will be in such good hands!I need to make sure we have quick and easy lunch and snack fixings for Wednesday and Thursday. Our small group is providing meals on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. We'll eat leftovers on Sunday. Monday a new rotation of meals will start.
I feel like I'm forgetting things. What else do I need to do before surgery?
Running for Us
I’d lost touch with my best friend from grad school, ML a couple of moves ago. He was a year ahead of me and his wisdom and experience saw me through a lot of trying times, from the initial weed-out classes right through failing my general exams. He’s a Philosophy professor, game designer, fiction author, black belt, and marathon runner. (He was the inspiration for, and recipient of, the red-velvet squirrel cake some of you have seen pictures of.)
We recently got back in touch and he sent me his well-wishes, adding:
There is a run here that raises money for research into breast cancer, I run it every year but this year I will run it for Sandy.
Thanks ML! I almost started to cry right here at work when I got your mail.
We recently got back in touch and he sent me his well-wishes, adding:
There is a run here that raises money for research into breast cancer, I run it every year but this year I will run it for Sandy.
Thanks ML! I almost started to cry right here at work when I got your mail.
Friday, August 22, 2008
It's Raining
Once we got a grip on the medical situation, I began trying to understand how we were going to handle our finances. What would insurance cover? How large will the bills be? For how long will we be incurring the additional cancer-related expenses? Do we have enough savings?
I found one blog where the woman outlined her expenses and I was relieved to find that it wasn't going to ruin us: her total was about $3500 for the first year. Our insurance coverage was no where near as good as her $1500 deductible--ours is $5000--so I'm sure our costs will be much higher, but it still shouldn't put us in so desperate a situation that the house is in jeopardy.
For our entire marriage we've handled our finances carefully (luckily for me, Sandra doesn't have expensive tastes!) and we've managed to save up a bit of a rainy-day fund to prepare for times like this. From time to time, I'm going to report on the financial impact cancer is having on us. Not because I'm looking for sympathy or charity, but because it was one question I found so difficult to have answered in the first few weeks. I was grateful to finally find someone who had posted that information and so I'm going to do the same, hoping that it can be just as helpful to someone else.
A few weeks ago I found that I needed to replace the 14 year-old Saturn, which we'd owned for eleven years because it needed about a thousand dollars worth of repairs. Then, yesterday Sandra called from the hospital and said they want $4000 of the deductible up front.
Wow, suddenly it's raining.
I found one blog where the woman outlined her expenses and I was relieved to find that it wasn't going to ruin us: her total was about $3500 for the first year. Our insurance coverage was no where near as good as her $1500 deductible--ours is $5000--so I'm sure our costs will be much higher, but it still shouldn't put us in so desperate a situation that the house is in jeopardy.
For our entire marriage we've handled our finances carefully (luckily for me, Sandra doesn't have expensive tastes!) and we've managed to save up a bit of a rainy-day fund to prepare for times like this. From time to time, I'm going to report on the financial impact cancer is having on us. Not because I'm looking for sympathy or charity, but because it was one question I found so difficult to have answered in the first few weeks. I was grateful to finally find someone who had posted that information and so I'm going to do the same, hoping that it can be just as helpful to someone else.
A few weeks ago I found that I needed to replace the 14 year-old Saturn, which we'd owned for eleven years because it needed about a thousand dollars worth of repairs. Then, yesterday Sandra called from the hospital and said they want $4000 of the deductible up front.
Wow, suddenly it's raining.
The Hair I Always Wanted to Have
I have always wanted a cute bobbed haircut with hair that fell just right. Instead, my hair has some natural wave that on humid days is just truly frightful. I was never able to achieve that cute bob. Joe, in the meanwhile, has always wanted to see my hair in a real henna red. For most of the 15+ years I colored my hair, I had a reddish tint to it. But I never was brave enough to go truly red.
Well, no more. I *bought* the hair that will make me, and my husband happy.
Introducing, two wigs that join my collection of hats to be used for chemo.
Wig #1 is a bob without bangs. It has some black hair mixed in with the henna red:
Wig #2 is a bob with bangs and a cute fringe of hair on my neck. It is henna red:
Does it look like real hair? Not really. But for $25 a wig, what do you expect? I bought them to be fun and silly on days that I want to have hair. I figured this is the best time to get the cut and color I always wanted. Wig #2 makes me feel like a Super Hero, and we all need a little of that in our lives.
Just don't tell me I look like a drag queen or I'll give you a Super Wedgie.
Well, no more. I *bought* the hair that will make me, and my husband happy.
Introducing, two wigs that join my collection of hats to be used for chemo.
Wig #1 is a bob without bangs. It has some black hair mixed in with
Wig #2 is a bob with bangs and a cute fringe of hair on my neck. It is henna red:
Does it look like real hair? Not really. But for $25 a wig, what do you expect? I bought them to be fun and silly on days that I want to have hair. I figured this is the best time to get the cut and color I always wanted. Wig #2 makes me feel like a Super Hero, and we all need a little of that in our lives.
Just don't tell me I look like a drag queen or I'll give you a Super Wedgie.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Rejoice with me!!
I had the hospital pre-admission testing today, and then saw my surgeon for a pre-op meeting. He has the results back from my bone scan and my CT scan--no sign of cancer anywhere else! 
The scans were clean. Praise God!
I'm celebrating by making cinnamon rolls (Pioneer Woman's recipe) for the wonderful, absolutely amazing young woman who has watched our children each Thursday this month. Spiff always asks how many hours they spent with M and then says "WOW! That many hours of FUN!"
They spent today at the lake home of the P family, swimming out to the dock, playing with the row boat, and getting doggy kisses from Luna. They are tired and happy tonight, as am I.
The scans were clean. Praise God!I'm celebrating by making cinnamon rolls (Pioneer Woman's recipe) for the wonderful, absolutely amazing young woman who has watched our children each Thursday this month. Spiff always asks how many hours they spent with M and then says "WOW! That many hours of FUN!"
They spent today at the lake home of the P family, swimming out to the dock, playing with the row boat, and getting doggy kisses from Luna. They are tired and happy tonight, as am I.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
We've started school already
Yesterday, boys stayed with some dear friends while I went to my dental appointment and then I joined them at the beach. Our friends live just a few hundred feet from Long Island Sound; it is gorgeous! Plus, they have wild parrots in their neighborhood. Very cool.
Anyway, we couldn't stay all afternoon because we had to get back and do our schoolwork. N, who is also homeschooled, said "You've started school already? We haven't started school yet. "
Spiff said, "Yeah. We had to start early because my mom got cancer."
I just had to laugh. Yes kiddo, one of the unfortunate side effects of cancer is that you get to do math in August.
Anyway, we couldn't stay all afternoon because we had to get back and do our schoolwork. N, who is also homeschooled, said "You've started school already? We haven't started school yet. "
Spiff said, "Yeah. We had to start early because my mom got cancer."
I just had to laugh. Yes kiddo, one of the unfortunate side effects of cancer is that you get to do math in August.
One week from today I get to throw away . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
all my current bras! ALL of them.
I have no idea what size I will actually end up--the implants are based on ccs of fluid and not cup size. So all my bras are going out. I have sports/compression bras that zip in the front that I will use for now.
It just struck me as I was doing some cleaning in my room. That aspect of my life just won't be the same ever again. Wow.
In fact, I may not even have nipples unless I have them put on at a later date or have some tattooed on. Try explaining *that* to someone. "Yes, I have two tattoos. . .Butterflies? No. Nipples and areolas." I don't think I'll really get tattoos. I'll just look like Barbie. Why bother getting something put on that you're always trying to cover up anyway?
For right now they will be putting in expanders to stretch the skin and the muscle. Six to eight months from now is when they will put in the implants themselves. At that time they could put on the nipple, but I am toying with the idea of not having them at all. When well done, they can look natural, but can be hard like you are always cold. And, those nipples have to come from somewhere, and they are not always your *own* skin, kwim? That gives me the heebie-jeebies. Some surgeons work in such a way to preserve your own, but it can depend on where the cancer, is etc.
There are options to explore, and right now I'm considering having none at all. I may change my mind down the road as I'm finishing up chemo and wanting my life to go back to "normal."
In the meantime, I'm hoping that if I get mid-beams in a small enough size, I can go bra-less sometimes. That would be so cool!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
all my current bras! ALL of them.
I have no idea what size I will actually end up--the implants are based on ccs of fluid and not cup size. So all my bras are going out. I have sports/compression bras that zip in the front that I will use for now.
It just struck me as I was doing some cleaning in my room. That aspect of my life just won't be the same ever again. Wow.
In fact, I may not even have nipples unless I have them put on at a later date or have some tattooed on. Try explaining *that* to someone. "Yes, I have two tattoos. . .Butterflies? No. Nipples and areolas." I don't think I'll really get tattoos. I'll just look like Barbie. Why bother getting something put on that you're always trying to cover up anyway?
For right now they will be putting in expanders to stretch the skin and the muscle. Six to eight months from now is when they will put in the implants themselves. At that time they could put on the nipple, but I am toying with the idea of not having them at all. When well done, they can look natural, but can be hard like you are always cold. And, those nipples have to come from somewhere, and they are not always your *own* skin, kwim? That gives me the heebie-jeebies. Some surgeons work in such a way to preserve your own, but it can depend on where the cancer, is etc.
There are options to explore, and right now I'm considering having none at all. I may change my mind down the road as I'm finishing up chemo and wanting my life to go back to "normal."
In the meantime, I'm hoping that if I get mid-beams in a small enough size, I can go bra-less sometimes. That would be so cool!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
And a trip to the dentist . . .
Dh had a crown fall out recently (eating frozen Dots will do that to your teeth, you know). He looked up emergency dentists covered by our insurance, since his dentist's office is closed on the weekends. He ended up at a dentist's office in Trumbull and really liked them.
The upshot is that I had my first dentist appointment in about three years. I'm bad; I know. I have a *very* small mouth and a routine cleaning can leave my jaw in pain for days. We won't even go into what the x-rays do to me, once they finally get them in there. I had a bad experience with my last dentist, so just didn't make another appointment with them.
So today I went and had a checkup because chemo can do a real number on your teeth. I have two small cavities starting (my first cavities in 10 years!), but other than that everything looks good. The hygienist scolded me for not flossing often enough, but said I must brush well because I didn't have much tartar buildup at all.
Boy does my jaw hurt now. Blegh.
I came out of the appointment with special toothpaste and special mouth rinse. The dentist was going to do a quick search online today to see if there were any new products out there for chemo patients.
So now I can add the dentist's office to my "team" of people working to get/keep me healthy.
The upshot is that I had my first dentist appointment in about three years. I'm bad; I know. I have a *very* small mouth and a routine cleaning can leave my jaw in pain for days. We won't even go into what the x-rays do to me, once they finally get them in there. I had a bad experience with my last dentist, so just didn't make another appointment with them.
So today I went and had a checkup because chemo can do a real number on your teeth. I have two small cavities starting (my first cavities in 10 years!), but other than that everything looks good. The hygienist scolded me for not flossing often enough, but said I must brush well because I didn't have much tartar buildup at all.
Boy does my jaw hurt now. Blegh.
I came out of the appointment with special toothpaste and special mouth rinse. The dentist was going to do a quick search online today to see if there were any new products out there for chemo patients.
So now I can add the dentist's office to my "team" of people working to get/keep me healthy.
Monday, August 18, 2008
A friend in need is a friend indeed
Posted on Sonlight's Forums on August 8, 2008
Y'all, I don't think I've ever felt this "loved on" before in my life. God is doing truly amazing things here.
"Why me?" is one of those questions that goes through your mind when you are faced with something inescapable. "Is there something I did or didn't do that made this happen?" But the Holy Spirit very distinctly said to me "Why not you? What makes you so special that you can't get cancer?" And really, there is nothing that makes me that special. Honestly, if I were to get what I deserved, it would be much, much worse. Without Christ, I would be facing this without hope. That is an awful thought.
God knew I would get cancer. He could have stopped those cells from growing. He is much bigger than cancer. Other people have the same risk factors as I do, and they don't get cancer. This one is my cancer. It is to be used for my good and for the good of those around me. The process may be a hard one, like burning dross from gold. But it will be for good. God does not promise that I will be around for that good, but He promises that he has a plan for a future and a hope.
In the midst of all this, He is showing me comfort and joy, peace and friendship. I have always been the black sheep, the independent one, the capable one, and the introvert. I defined myself in those ways and built some excellent walls to keep people out. Because when you let people know you, they can turn around and use that knowledge to hurt you. Badly. BTDT, built the walls to keep it from happening again.
And then along came cancer. And cancer treatment brings with it all sorts of dependencies on others that I am *not* used to having. But those dependencies are bringing blessings with them that I never even knew existed.
When I got home from my bone and CT scans yesterday, there was a *huge* box that had come in the mail. It was from our 4-H club friends. They had gathered snacks, and tons of chocolate, games and toys for the boys, books for me, a rice-pack that I can warm in the microwave and keep on my lap when I'm cold, and cards that the kids had all made. What a huge blessing! Even though I'm not too special to get cancer, I am still a child of the King. And He is showing me love through other people.
Today I got an email from a friend offering to come over several times after my surgery and help me wash and comb my hair (I won't be able to lift my arms above my head for a while), do laundry, vacuum floors--what ever needs to be done. She lives 10 miles away, but was serious about her offer.
Different offers have come from different quarters. I will spare you the details, but truly, I have never felt this loved before. God is just *in* this, and His love and comfort are just such a balm on days like yesterday when I'm stuck inside a machine that is scanning so slowly that I want to just go bonkers.
I just feel so blessed right now. It's kind of hard to explain. But please know that when God prompts you to do something for someone, and you do that act as an offering up to Him, it just starts this cycle of blessing that goes round and round. What an amazing God we have!
Y'all, I don't think I've ever felt this "loved on" before in my life. God is doing truly amazing things here.
"Why me?" is one of those questions that goes through your mind when you are faced with something inescapable. "Is there something I did or didn't do that made this happen?" But the Holy Spirit very distinctly said to me "Why not you? What makes you so special that you can't get cancer?" And really, there is nothing that makes me that special. Honestly, if I were to get what I deserved, it would be much, much worse. Without Christ, I would be facing this without hope. That is an awful thought.
God knew I would get cancer. He could have stopped those cells from growing. He is much bigger than cancer. Other people have the same risk factors as I do, and they don't get cancer. This one is my cancer. It is to be used for my good and for the good of those around me. The process may be a hard one, like burning dross from gold. But it will be for good. God does not promise that I will be around for that good, but He promises that he has a plan for a future and a hope.
In the midst of all this, He is showing me comfort and joy, peace and friendship. I have always been the black sheep, the independent one, the capable one, and the introvert. I defined myself in those ways and built some excellent walls to keep people out. Because when you let people know you, they can turn around and use that knowledge to hurt you. Badly. BTDT, built the walls to keep it from happening again.
And then along came cancer. And cancer treatment brings with it all sorts of dependencies on others that I am *not* used to having. But those dependencies are bringing blessings with them that I never even knew existed.
When I got home from my bone and CT scans yesterday, there was a *huge* box that had come in the mail. It was from our 4-H club friends. They had gathered snacks, and tons of chocolate, games and toys for the boys, books for me, a rice-pack that I can warm in the microwave and keep on my lap when I'm cold, and cards that the kids had all made. What a huge blessing! Even though I'm not too special to get cancer, I am still a child of the King. And He is showing me love through other people.
Today I got an email from a friend offering to come over several times after my surgery and help me wash and comb my hair (I won't be able to lift my arms above my head for a while), do laundry, vacuum floors--what ever needs to be done. She lives 10 miles away, but was serious about her offer.
Different offers have come from different quarters. I will spare you the details, but truly, I have never felt this loved before. God is just *in* this, and His love and comfort are just such a balm on days like yesterday when I'm stuck inside a machine that is scanning so slowly that I want to just go bonkers.
I just feel so blessed right now. It's kind of hard to explain. But please know that when God prompts you to do something for someone, and you do that act as an offering up to Him, it just starts this cycle of blessing that goes round and round. What an amazing God we have!
I am radioactive
Posted on Sonlight's Forums on August 7, 2008
So far today I've had a radioactive injection for a bone scan; three hours later I had the actual bone scan (no moving for 30 minutes!). Then I had two AWFUL barium drinks for my CT scan. Completely, totally, disgustingly awful. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything after noon, and it's nearly 4:30 now. I was hungry until the barium drinks, but no longer. Now I'm just shuddering from the aftertaste.
I'll have my CT scan sometime after 5 pm. The barium needs to work through my system for an hour, and then the CT scan only takes about 5 minutes. Then we will go an relieve the dear young woman who has been watching our boys since 11 this morning.
I wonder if I will glow in the dark tonight?
So far today I've had a radioactive injection for a bone scan; three hours later I had the actual bone scan (no moving for 30 minutes!). Then I had two AWFUL barium drinks for my CT scan. Completely, totally, disgustingly awful. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything after noon, and it's nearly 4:30 now. I was hungry until the barium drinks, but no longer. Now I'm just shuddering from the aftertaste.
I'll have my CT scan sometime after 5 pm. The barium needs to work through my system for an hour, and then the CT scan only takes about 5 minutes. Then we will go an relieve the dear young woman who has been watching our boys since 11 this morning.
I wonder if I will glow in the dark tonight?
My boys' answer to the young/old earth debate
We discussed dinosaurs and the Bible today and had a really good conversation. When they talked about it with dh tonight at the dinner table, the boys summed up their ponderings:
Entropy Boy: "We don't really *know* what happened. We can ask God when we die."
Spiff: "I don't know--I think we'll be too busy praising God to ask Him any questions."
Out of the mouths of babes. . .
Entropy Boy: "We don't really *know* what happened. We can ask God when we die."
Spiff: "I don't know--I think we'll be too busy praising God to ask Him any questions."
Out of the mouths of babes. . .
Update after meeting with oncologist
Posted on Sonlight Forums on July 30, 2008
I met with my oncologist for the first time today. I LOVE her. She is funny and upbeat without glossing over what will be happening. Chemo doesn't sound like fun stuff.
On August 7th, I go to Yale for a CAT scan and a bone scan. The oncologist also wants me to get an MRI of my head. I haven't had one and with my migraines she just wants to check it out.
I have surgery scheduled for August 27th. I will have a bilateral (meaning both sides) mastectomy by the surgeon, after which the plastic surgeon will put in expanders for my breast implants. Between the two, I'll be on the operating table for about 7 hours.
After talking to the oncologist today, I will likely have a port-a-cath put in near my collarbone while I am under anesthesia. That way it is in place when I start chemo. If I don't use the port-a-cath, they are limited to my left arm between my wrist and elbow for the IV for the chemo. The port will just make it easier on my veins. Since the cancer is on the right side, I always have to make sure that I have blood pressure, etc. taken on the left for the rest of my life.
They will do a Sentinel Node Biopsy while I'm in surgery. If it comes back negative it is a good thing. If it comes back positive, they will remove more nodes and I may need radiation. Please pray for negative nodes!
To top off the day, I had a migraine when I got home. I didn't take Ambien last night before bed and I had a terrible night's sleep. Lack of sleep combined with heat and a storm front moving in means a migraine for me. I guess I'll keep taking the Ambien and worry about getting off of it later.
Lest you think the day was totally without humor, I do have a bright spot. Wigs are covered by many health insurance companies after a certain deductible. The oncologist wrote out an Rx just in case the insurance company needs it. But it isn't called a wig for insurance purposes; it is called a "cranial prosthesis."
I do feel confidence in the oncologist and the rest of my "team". We are trying to do all we can to see if the cancer is anywhere else and kill any remaining cancer cells through chemo. By following the surgery with chemo, I'll be reducing the risk of cancer coming back. I won't be eliminating it, but at least reducing it as far as man's capabilities go. God is the one ultimately in control of it.
For bible this year, we are using Desiring God's Sunday school curriculum on God's promises. It is going to be quite a theological workout with my boys as we discuss how all things work together for good for those who love God.
I met with my oncologist for the first time today. I LOVE her. She is funny and upbeat without glossing over what will be happening. Chemo doesn't sound like fun stuff.
On August 7th, I go to Yale for a CAT scan and a bone scan. The oncologist also wants me to get an MRI of my head. I haven't had one and with my migraines she just wants to check it out.
I have surgery scheduled for August 27th. I will have a bilateral (meaning both sides) mastectomy by the surgeon, after which the plastic surgeon will put in expanders for my breast implants. Between the two, I'll be on the operating table for about 7 hours.
After talking to the oncologist today, I will likely have a port-a-cath put in near my collarbone while I am under anesthesia. That way it is in place when I start chemo. If I don't use the port-a-cath, they are limited to my left arm between my wrist and elbow for the IV for the chemo. The port will just make it easier on my veins. Since the cancer is on the right side, I always have to make sure that I have blood pressure, etc. taken on the left for the rest of my life.
They will do a Sentinel Node Biopsy while I'm in surgery. If it comes back negative it is a good thing. If it comes back positive, they will remove more nodes and I may need radiation. Please pray for negative nodes!
To top off the day, I had a migraine when I got home. I didn't take Ambien last night before bed and I had a terrible night's sleep. Lack of sleep combined with heat and a storm front moving in means a migraine for me. I guess I'll keep taking the Ambien and worry about getting off of it later.
Lest you think the day was totally without humor, I do have a bright spot. Wigs are covered by many health insurance companies after a certain deductible. The oncologist wrote out an Rx just in case the insurance company needs it. But it isn't called a wig for insurance purposes; it is called a "cranial prosthesis."
I do feel confidence in the oncologist and the rest of my "team". We are trying to do all we can to see if the cancer is anywhere else and kill any remaining cancer cells through chemo. By following the surgery with chemo, I'll be reducing the risk of cancer coming back. I won't be eliminating it, but at least reducing it as far as man's capabilities go. God is the one ultimately in control of it.
For bible this year, we are using Desiring God's Sunday school curriculum on God's promises. It is going to be quite a theological workout with my boys as we discuss how all things work together for good for those who love God.
Anyone want to guess what I did today?
Posted on Sonlight's Forums on July 22, 2008 (names have been deleted to protect the innocent)
I did something rather unique today (other than filling up the jukebox). I left the boys with a friend, so kids were not a part of it. Dh was at work but probably would have liked to have been a part of it.
Anyone want to guess what I did?
Well, I didn't purchase anything, but I did pick something out. It wasn't anything to do with a house though.
Nope, but I joked that I felt like I was doing so. *So* many more options than I expected.
Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner!
It was a very strange experience. You get all sorts of options for "perkiness" levels, what they are made of, etc.
I cope with humor too. When the plastic surgeon had these measuring tools that he shaped into cones to get a good measurement I told him "Wow! I look like Madonna!"
The plastic surgeon took LOTS of measurements. Six ways to Sunday in measurements. Of course he was being very discrete and trying not to touch the pointy bits at the time. But he's got me standing there, hands on my hips with my chest exposed. Really, at this point, there is no modesty left.
But they do have some nice shiny brochures. Once the plastic surgeon got all my measurements and understood that I didn't want augmentation along with the reconstruction (same size or smaller please), I still had choices. Within my size stipulations, I could still go with high beams, mid-beams or low beams. Basically, how much they stick out from your body within the cup sized range.
I told him that "Lord willing that I should make it to 60yo, I don't want the chest of a 20yo." I'll likely go with mid-beams.
If I went with the nice tight tummy, it would be because the plastic surgeon took tissue from my tummy and moved it up, along with a blood supply. With two little boys at home, I didn't want that kind of complicated surgery and longer recovery time. Plus, I may get both sides done (I'm worried about having to go through this again with the left side) so that would make it even more complicated. But the nice tight tummy is tempting!
What they will do is put in an expander behind my muscles while I am in surgery for the mastectomy. Then during office visits (weekly, I think?) the plastic surgeon will pump more air into the chamber (Air Jordans!) to stretch my skin. Once my skin is stretched enough, I will go back in and have the implants put in.
The implants have about a 12 year life-span, so I can get new ones later.
No surgery date yet. I go back to the regular surgeon on Thursday to check in with him. I have a bone scan and a CAT scan at Yale-New Haven on Aug. 7. The surgeon wants to check to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else.
I'm trying to see the humor in everything. If I don't, I'll crash.
I did something rather unique today (other than filling up the jukebox). I left the boys with a friend, so kids were not a part of it. Dh was at work but probably would have liked to have been a part of it.
Anyone want to guess what I did?
- Went house shopping? I realize that answer has no chance of being correct, but it's what I've been wanting to do lately.
- Went to a spa?
- Forded a river? :Big Grin:
- Sky-diving?
Well, I didn't purchase anything, but I did pick something out. It wasn't anything to do with a house though.
You picked out a new vehicle?
Nope, but I joked that I felt like I was doing so. *So* many more options than I expected.
Does it have something to do with clothing? Undergarments perhaps?
Picked out new breasts?
Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner!
It was a very strange experience. You get all sorts of options for "perkiness" levels, what they are made of, etc.
That must've been very strange indeed.
So, how does one do this? Photos? Descriptions? Celebrity endorsements?
Oh, my gosh!!! I hope they are so cute and perky!!!
I hope you get exactly what you always secretly wished you might have had.
Oh. Tell me there's something fun to talk about here....
If there isn't, I love you forever, I'll like you for always....
I have a dear friend who after her surgery got to have a nice tight tummy.
Any hope of a redeeming story like that?
You decided on the model of the remake of the girls?
And are you ok with having done this today. It had to be not only strange but difficult. I've been worrying.
I hope you chose the Maserati and not the Prius :Big Grin:
I hope I'm not hurting your feelings or making you cry :hug: I'm coping with humor.
I cope with humor too. When the plastic surgeon had these measuring tools that he shaped into cones to get a good measurement I told him "Wow! I look like Madonna!"
The plastic surgeon took LOTS of measurements. Six ways to Sunday in measurements. Of course he was being very discrete and trying not to touch the pointy bits at the time. But he's got me standing there, hands on my hips with my chest exposed. Really, at this point, there is no modesty left.
But they do have some nice shiny brochures. Once the plastic surgeon got all my measurements and understood that I didn't want augmentation along with the reconstruction (same size or smaller please), I still had choices. Within my size stipulations, I could still go with high beams, mid-beams or low beams. Basically, how much they stick out from your body within the cup sized range.
I told him that "Lord willing that I should make it to 60yo, I don't want the chest of a 20yo." I'll likely go with mid-beams.
If I went with the nice tight tummy, it would be because the plastic surgeon took tissue from my tummy and moved it up, along with a blood supply. With two little boys at home, I didn't want that kind of complicated surgery and longer recovery time. Plus, I may get both sides done (I'm worried about having to go through this again with the left side) so that would make it even more complicated. But the nice tight tummy is tempting!
What they will do is put in an expander behind my muscles while I am in surgery for the mastectomy. Then during office visits (weekly, I think?) the plastic surgeon will pump more air into the chamber (Air Jordans!) to stretch my skin. Once my skin is stretched enough, I will go back in and have the implants put in.
The implants have about a 12 year life-span, so I can get new ones later.
No surgery date yet. I go back to the regular surgeon on Thursday to check in with him. I have a bone scan and a CAT scan at Yale-New Haven on Aug. 7. The surgeon wants to check to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else.
I'm trying to see the humor in everything. If I don't, I'll crash.
4 burly guys + 1 case of cold beverage = 1 jukebox inside the house
Posted on Sonlight Forums on July 22, 2008
The jukebox is now inside the house, thanks to two neighbors and their friends. It is a *heavy* jukebox! They agreed with my dh to do it for a case of beer (gotta love single guys) and I added in a six-pack of some fancy imported white beer. They hauled it up a lot of steps to get it into the house, and then we rolled it into the kitchen.
I am now in the process of filling it. This morning I added When a Man Loves a Woman and Helen Reddy's Delta Dawn. (Anyone else old enough to remember that one?)
Also on the list to add this morning
You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt
Sweet Georgia Brown
I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher
Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers
and a whole bunch of other oldies
It does not match the decor of the house at all, but at this point I don't care. Life is going to get "not fun" in the near future, so anything that we can do to add fun back into it is welcome. Last night, Entropy Boy and I danced to Jambalaya by Fats Domino. It was so sweet!
The jukebox is now inside the house, thanks to two neighbors and their friends. It is a *heavy* jukebox! They agreed with my dh to do it for a case of beer (gotta love single guys) and I added in a six-pack of some fancy imported white beer. They hauled it up a lot of steps to get it into the house, and then we rolled it into the kitchen.
I am now in the process of filling it. This morning I added When a Man Loves a Woman and Helen Reddy's Delta Dawn. (Anyone else old enough to remember that one?)
Also on the list to add this morning
You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt
Sweet Georgia Brown
I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher
Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers
and a whole bunch of other oldies
It does not match the decor of the house at all, but at this point I don't care. Life is going to get "not fun" in the near future, so anything that we can do to add fun back into it is welcome. Last night, Entropy Boy and I danced to Jambalaya by Fats Domino. It was so sweet!
Cute things they say
Entropy Boy and I were talking in the car today about camouflage. Tigers have stripes to hide in the grass. Zebras have stripes so as to not stand out in the herd (the lions just see a big sea of stripes). Then EB said "But cantaloupes don't have stripes."
Me =>
EB: "They don't have stripes, but they have really big horns. Wouldn't the lions see their horns?"
Me: "OH! You mean ANTELOPES! Yes, they do have horns. Maybe the horns are to scare the lions."
Me =>
EB: "They don't have stripes, but they have really big horns. Wouldn't the lions see their horns?"
Me: "OH! You mean ANTELOPES! Yes, they do have horns. Maybe the horns are to scare the lions."
I used the word "cancer" for the first time with the kids today
Posted on Sonlight's Forums on July 18, 2008
Dh's dad and stepmom are visiting for the day tomorrow. They have been helping dh's grandmother move from her home to a new apartment. They are bringing Nanny with them when they visit, which is a good thing because she is starting to not do as well. It will be good for the boys to see her.
However. . . (there is always a however, isn't there?) Nanny doesn't do well with illness. Everything becomes the worst possible scenario in her mind. So my breast cancer is very hard for her-- especially since her husband is in hospice in the nursing home and her brother died last week (at age 97). Oh, and she moved out of her home of 35 years this week. I'm surprised she hasn't had a panic attack yet. I might if I were in her shoes.
So, I know the word "cancer" will come up tomorrow. I hadn't used it with Spiff yet (Entropy Boy is pretty oblivious to it all) and so did for the first time tonight. He winced and said "Oh, I haven't heard very good things about that." I explained that there are different types of cancer and that Poppy (Spiff's great-grandfather) had skin cancer more than 20 years ago. I also explained that the medicine that we discussed (the one that is going to make me feel like I do when I have a migraine) is one of the things the doctor's use to kill the cancer. It is a very strong medicine--so strong that my hair is going to fall out.
"You mean you're gonna be bald?"
Yes, for a while. Then when the medicine stops, my hair will grow back.
"Are you going to walk around bald?"
No, I'm going to wear a hat. Do you want to shave your head to look like me when I'm bald?
"No thanks."
Entropy Boy said he will kiss my bald head when my hair falls out.
I can feel the prayers. God is so good. There are hard moments throughout each day, and the "why me" questions pop into my head. And I mentally kicked myself today for asking God to teach me to trust Him more. But He is using this. He will use this, for purposes I can't even begin to imagine.
Dh's dad and stepmom are visiting for the day tomorrow. They have been helping dh's grandmother move from her home to a new apartment. They are bringing Nanny with them when they visit, which is a good thing because she is starting to not do as well. It will be good for the boys to see her.
However. . . (there is always a however, isn't there?) Nanny doesn't do well with illness. Everything becomes the worst possible scenario in her mind. So my breast cancer is very hard for her-- especially since her husband is in hospice in the nursing home and her brother died last week (at age 97). Oh, and she moved out of her home of 35 years this week. I'm surprised she hasn't had a panic attack yet. I might if I were in her shoes.
So, I know the word "cancer" will come up tomorrow. I hadn't used it with Spiff yet (Entropy Boy is pretty oblivious to it all) and so did for the first time tonight. He winced and said "Oh, I haven't heard very good things about that." I explained that there are different types of cancer and that Poppy (Spiff's great-grandfather) had skin cancer more than 20 years ago. I also explained that the medicine that we discussed (the one that is going to make me feel like I do when I have a migraine) is one of the things the doctor's use to kill the cancer. It is a very strong medicine--so strong that my hair is going to fall out.
"You mean you're gonna be bald?"
Yes, for a while. Then when the medicine stops, my hair will grow back.
"Are you going to walk around bald?"
No, I'm going to wear a hat. Do you want to shave your head to look like me when I'm bald?
"No thanks."
Entropy Boy said he will kiss my bald head when my hair falls out.
I can feel the prayers. God is so good. There are hard moments throughout each day, and the "why me" questions pop into my head. And I mentally kicked myself today for asking God to teach me to trust Him more. But He is using this. He will use this, for purposes I can't even begin to imagine.
A Sonlight friend posted John Piper's Don't Waste Your Cancer for me. I have printed it out and look at it frequently to help me keep things in perspective. Please read it if you haven't already.
http://www.crosswalk.com/root/root/1383847/page0/
http://www.crosswalk.com/root/root/1383847/page0/
Update after meeting with second surgeon
Posted on Sonlight's Forums on July 17, 2008
Well everyone, today was harder. My time in happy denial-land seems to be drawing to an end. I met with a surgeon yesterday, and then a second one today. I'm going to be going with the second one because he is in New Haven (our church, and therefore support system, is there), his team is in-network for my insurance, and I already know he does good work because a friend from church used him. I'd like to say I felt "better" after seeing him, but actually he was just more realistic with me about what lies ahead. The first surgeon is really good about making me feel more assured (he's a very confident guy) but didn't really give me the full picture, kwim? I don't feel so "swept up" with the second surgeon, which gives me a chance to stop and think. Plus the first surgeon's plastic surgeon is out-of-network and we can't afford that.
So as it stands now, a mastectomy and some plastic surgery are in my very near future. I need to meet with an oncologist. When I'm healed from the surgery I'll likely need 6 months of chemo. Since I'm going with a mastectomy, I won't likely need radiation. I need to have an MRI and some body scans to see if the cancer is anywhere else (the first surgeon was only going to do the MRI and a chest x-ray). If they do find more cancer, we'll address that as it comes.
I am scared. This *thing* is coming at me and I can't get out of it's way. And I know it's going to make me feel really sick, but I can't stop it. I want to go to sleep and pretend it isn't there, but I can't any more. Each step, each day, brings it closer. When Jesus prayed in the garden, asking whether this cup could pass from Him, He knew that feeling. It's really hard to say "Thy will be done." It is really hard.
Well everyone, today was harder. My time in happy denial-land seems to be drawing to an end. I met with a surgeon yesterday, and then a second one today. I'm going to be going with the second one because he is in New Haven (our church, and therefore support system, is there), his team is in-network for my insurance, and I already know he does good work because a friend from church used him. I'd like to say I felt "better" after seeing him, but actually he was just more realistic with me about what lies ahead. The first surgeon is really good about making me feel more assured (he's a very confident guy) but didn't really give me the full picture, kwim? I don't feel so "swept up" with the second surgeon, which gives me a chance to stop and think. Plus the first surgeon's plastic surgeon is out-of-network and we can't afford that.
So as it stands now, a mastectomy and some plastic surgery are in my very near future. I need to meet with an oncologist. When I'm healed from the surgery I'll likely need 6 months of chemo. Since I'm going with a mastectomy, I won't likely need radiation. I need to have an MRI and some body scans to see if the cancer is anywhere else (the first surgeon was only going to do the MRI and a chest x-ray). If they do find more cancer, we'll address that as it comes.
I am scared. This *thing* is coming at me and I can't get out of it's way. And I know it's going to make me feel really sick, but I can't stop it. I want to go to sleep and pretend it isn't there, but I can't any more. Each step, each day, brings it closer. When Jesus prayed in the garden, asking whether this cup could pass from Him, He knew that feeling. It's really hard to say "Thy will be done." It is really hard.
A little light moment
On July 9:
There was a message on the answering machine when I got home from VBS. I was thinking it might be the doctor's office calling back to say the lab results were in. Nope.
"Ava! This isa Fumiko! Happy Birsaday! I gotta you [think you are] a nice girl--you want to go with me? I see you soon! Happy Birthday! . . ."
Poor Fumiko. He probably screwed up all his courage to make that phone call and leave that message and it wasn't even at the right house.
There was a message on the answering machine when I got home from VBS. I was thinking it might be the doctor's office calling back to say the lab results were in. Nope.
"Ava! This isa Fumiko! Happy Birsaday! I gotta you [think you are] a nice girl--you want to go with me? I see you soon! Happy Birthday! . . ."
Poor Fumiko. He probably screwed up all his courage to make that phone call and leave that message and it wasn't even at the right house.
Another little update
Posted on Sonlight's Forums on July 11, 2008
The doctor called with the lab results yesterday. The left side is benign and the right side is stage II breast cancer. So really, the lab results just confirm what the doctor was thinking. It's "run of the mill" breast cancer, not the fast-growing, scary kind.
I go in at 7 a.m. next Wednesday with dh to meet with the surgeon and find out the treatment options. It's a really early appt because the surgeon was pretty booked up next week, but wanted to get me in. Dh and I will drop off the boys at the home of a family in our fellowship group. Our friends will serve them breakfast along with their boys and then the dc will play until we pick them up.
On Thursday of next week I have a 9:45 a.m. appt with a different surgeon for a second opinion of treatment, etc. Spiff will be at a summer day camp and I still have to figure out where I'm going to drop off Entropy Boy. I have a couple of people I can ask, however, and I'm sure it won't be a problem.
One of the pastors is going to announce it to the church this weekend so that they can all be praying. Right now it's pretty much stayed among the elders and their families and the mercy ministry. Our church family has been wonderful and we have been so blessed by them.
Your prayers have been so felt. God has been so amazing! Psychologically and emotionally I'm doing really fine (either that, or I'm in denial and it's a wonderful place to be). It is a testimony to God's faithfulness and strength. A friend from church told me today that she'd be more upset, but I seem to be really calm about it all. Since I am, she is. I warned her I'll likely be a big baby during treatment, but I'm ok now.
I covet all of your prayers and thank you for all of them so far. This was going to be a short update, but it got really long!
In response to a New Hampshire friend offering to help:
So far there has been nothing to help with--the boys were at soccer camp/VBS all week and dh was home, so I've actually had a restful week physically. I have Ambien to take at night if I need it. It makes the whole world seem like a cubist painting within 15 minutes of taking it. I sleep like a rock.
The doctor called with the lab results yesterday. The left side is benign and the right side is stage II breast cancer. So really, the lab results just confirm what the doctor was thinking. It's "run of the mill" breast cancer, not the fast-growing, scary kind.
I go in at 7 a.m. next Wednesday with dh to meet with the surgeon and find out the treatment options. It's a really early appt because the surgeon was pretty booked up next week, but wanted to get me in. Dh and I will drop off the boys at the home of a family in our fellowship group. Our friends will serve them breakfast along with their boys and then the dc will play until we pick them up.
On Thursday of next week I have a 9:45 a.m. appt with a different surgeon for a second opinion of treatment, etc. Spiff will be at a summer day camp and I still have to figure out where I'm going to drop off Entropy Boy. I have a couple of people I can ask, however, and I'm sure it won't be a problem.
One of the pastors is going to announce it to the church this weekend so that they can all be praying. Right now it's pretty much stayed among the elders and their families and the mercy ministry. Our church family has been wonderful and we have been so blessed by them.
Your prayers have been so felt. God has been so amazing! Psychologically and emotionally I'm doing really fine (either that, or I'm in denial and it's a wonderful place to be). It is a testimony to God's faithfulness and strength. A friend from church told me today that she'd be more upset, but I seem to be really calm about it all. Since I am, she is. I warned her I'll likely be a big baby during treatment, but I'm ok now.
I covet all of your prayers and thank you for all of them so far. This was going to be a short update, but it got really long!
In response to a New Hampshire friend offering to help:
So far there has been nothing to help with--the boys were at soccer camp/VBS all week and dh was home, so I've actually had a restful week physically. I have Ambien to take at night if I need it. It makes the whole world seem like a cubist painting within 15 minutes of taking it. I sleep like a rock.
An Update--Please keep praying!
Posted on Sonlight's Forums July 7, 2008
I go in to a surgeon at 4 pm EST today. I'm bringing in my films, etc. from the mammogram and ultrasound. He will decide then whether to do a biopsy right in the office. Normally they wouldn't diagnose cancer right from the ultrasound/mammogram, but it was pretty clear and classic on mine: invasive carcinoma.
I have another appt on Thursday at 3 pm EST with a different surgeon just so I can have a second opinion. The second surgeon treated a woman at church that had a bilateral mastectomy 6 years ago. She talked with me for about 45 minutes on Sunday and walked me through likely scenarios. The second surgeon is at Yale, which is where our church, and therefore our support system, is based.
Thank you all for your prayers and Scriptures and support. They mean more than you can know. Thank you for being Christ's hands and feet here and now.
Update later that day:
Thank you all for the prayers.
The surgeon did some biopsies of each side at the appt. He said the left side looked benign based on his experience, but the lab results are the clincher. The right side looks malignant, but again, he's waiting on the lab report (the samples are being sent to Yale). He said the right side looks early stage and he doesn't feel anything in my lymph nodes, praise God!
The results from the lab should take 3-7 days (depending on how many techs are on duty when it comes in). I'm going to reschedule the second surgeon for after the labs so that I can go to him with the full information. I just want to have two opinions about what all my options are. I really liked the surgeon today, as did my dh. He's one of the top "breast" guys in the area. (For some reason that makes me giggle, so I must be getting my sense of humor back.)
I go in to a surgeon at 4 pm EST today. I'm bringing in my films, etc. from the mammogram and ultrasound. He will decide then whether to do a biopsy right in the office. Normally they wouldn't diagnose cancer right from the ultrasound/mammogram, but it was pretty clear and classic on mine: invasive carcinoma.
I have another appt on Thursday at 3 pm EST with a different surgeon just so I can have a second opinion. The second surgeon treated a woman at church that had a bilateral mastectomy 6 years ago. She talked with me for about 45 minutes on Sunday and walked me through likely scenarios. The second surgeon is at Yale, which is where our church, and therefore our support system, is based.
Thank you all for your prayers and Scriptures and support. They mean more than you can know. Thank you for being Christ's hands and feet here and now.
Update later that day:
Thank you all for the prayers.
The surgeon did some biopsies of each side at the appt. He said the left side looked benign based on his experience, but the lab results are the clincher. The right side looks malignant, but again, he's waiting on the lab report (the samples are being sent to Yale). He said the right side looks early stage and he doesn't feel anything in my lymph nodes, praise God!
The results from the lab should take 3-7 days (depending on how many techs are on duty when it comes in). I'm going to reschedule the second surgeon for after the labs so that I can go to him with the full information. I just want to have two opinions about what all my options are. I really liked the surgeon today, as did my dh. He's one of the top "breast" guys in the area. (For some reason that makes me giggle, so I must be getting my sense of humor back.)
I have breast cancer
Posted on Sonlight's Forums July 4, 2008
I went to the gynocologist to have a lump check out yesterday afternoon. The imaging office was right down the hall, so I had a mammogram and an ultrasound right after my gyn appt. It is breast cancer.
My gynocologist has a call in to a breast surgeon and I will meet with him on Monday or Tuesday. Dh and I have to decide whether to have everything done locally or at Sloan-Kettering in NYC.
I will likely have surgery within the next two weeks and need to start thing about a bi-lateral mastectomy. I have a mass in my right breast and a lump was discovered in the other.
The boys do not know yet, but Spiff knows something is up. Our parents don't know yet. I came home and went to bed immediately with a migraine. I get queasy each time my brain touches on it. I am numb. I'm in denial.
Please pray for me and my family.
I went to the gynocologist to have a lump check out yesterday afternoon. The imaging office was right down the hall, so I had a mammogram and an ultrasound right after my gyn appt. It is breast cancer.
My gynocologist has a call in to a breast surgeon and I will meet with him on Monday or Tuesday. Dh and I have to decide whether to have everything done locally or at Sloan-Kettering in NYC.
I will likely have surgery within the next two weeks and need to start thing about a bi-lateral mastectomy. I have a mass in my right breast and a lump was discovered in the other.
The boys do not know yet, but Spiff knows something is up. Our parents don't know yet. I came home and went to bed immediately with a migraine. I get queasy each time my brain touches on it. I am numb. I'm in denial.
Please pray for me and my family.
Welcome
I decided to create a blog instead of a Caring Bridge site to keep everyone updated on this cancer journey I'm on. (I know I've got a dangling preposition there, and I don't care.)
The first several posts will be the updates I posted on Sonlight's forums, since that has been my main outlet thus far. The women (and men) there are amazingly wonderful, caring, hopeful, helpful people. Their prayers and messages have meant the world to me.
And for the rest of you, this is your chance to catch up with my first thoughts and feelings.
Peace,
Sandy
The first several posts will be the updates I posted on Sonlight's forums, since that has been my main outlet thus far. The women (and men) there are amazingly wonderful, caring, hopeful, helpful people. Their prayers and messages have meant the world to me.
And for the rest of you, this is your chance to catch up with my first thoughts and feelings.
Peace,
Sandy
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