I've done the surgery. I've completed chemotherapy. I've completed radiation therapy. My hair is growing back--I even had to shave my legs last week.
At what point do I not "have cancer" any more? At what point do I cease to wonder and worry? My oncologist didn't really have any set answers for me today. We are treating a microscopic disease that we didn't even know was there until I found a lump. I have an Rx for tamoxifen and will start taking that as soon as the prescription is filled (we are doing it mail order). I will be on some drug or other for years. I could still have cancer cells swimming around in my body, and hopefully the drugs will keep them from starting to collect and grow anywhere.
The cancer could come back, or it could not. We just have to watch and wait. Some days that just makes me want to scream.
I don't get my life back--not the way it was before. I never get to be complacent about it again. That. just. stinks.
Could you pray for some peace for me? I'm struggling today. Thanks.
7 comments:
Sandy I will pray for you when I'm done writing this comment.
You have been so good about putting this in God's hands to get you through the pain and suffering that goes along with Cancer treatment. I am sorry you feel low today.
You probably don't need me to tell you to think of the good things in life and to appreciate the simple things that happen in small moments through each day.
I am sure that a relief will hit when you have screening done six months down the road or whenever your oncologist schedules it for you.
I see no other thing to do than to let go and try to focus on the moment and finding joy in everyday life.
Many healthy people are unhappy due to obsessing and worrying about things that MIGHT happen that never do. That is so wasteful, is it not?
It is such a lovely day in our area I recommend you go outside and soak up some sunshine, perhaps watch your kids play outside in this spring air when they get home from school. Possibly get out to some nature setting and take a little walk surrounded by nature. The air, sun and spring sights may help clear your worries away.
Hang in there.
Praying for you during this "down" day.
We're crying for you and we're praying for you. Don't give up now - you have been so brave. We love you.
Oh honey, keep your chin up...
Remember, God is in charge and all you can do is lean on Him & trust that he will get you through the tough days.
We miss you & love you lots...
Hi Sandy,
Your worries hit a heart string with me. You are in my prayers. oxox
Sandy, I am praying for you.
Sandy, hun, I will be glad to pray for you and continue praying for you in this. It's hard and it does suck.
There's no way of knowing if there's a stray cancer cell hiding out somewhere until it decides to multiply and make a nuisance of itself again and I really wish there was a way *to* know that. At the same time, I know that its a tremendous marvel of the human body's design that we don't all have cancer all over the place by the time we're three, with the constant assault on our cells - both environmental and from metabolic byproducts within us. Three years of grad school and I'm convinced that life causes cancer, period.
The scary thing is when it has managed to get around the defenses, and reared its ugly head in your beautiful life. I don't know how you are supposed to live life back at "threat level green" when you've been dragged through "threat level orange" and "threat level red" in the past year. You may be right that life will never be quite the same again, but you aren't the same - you have been tested in your spiritual, emotional, and physical strength. I think that in some respects to expect life to just revert back to where it was a year ago wouldn't fully acknowledge that you have changed in the past year. You better know yourself and your strengths and weaknesses and limitations. You know what matters to you on the days and in the moments you feel weak and you can be confident in the family and community and support that surrounds you.
Big hugs and lots of prayers to you. :)
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