Some More Thoughts About "Why Me?"

I have started to write this many times, only to delete it. It is hard to put into words my thoughts after I go through a bout of "why me?".

We have been teaching our boys the Westminster Catechism. The very first question is "What is the chief end of man?"
Response: "To love God and enjoy Him forever."

So, through cancer or upheaval or all the other so many prayer requests, we are to love God, to glorify Him, and to enjoy Him.

I don't know why I got cancer. I do know that God could have chosen to stop it, if He wanted to. So this must be my calling for now. I was kind of hoping for a Wycliff translator kind of deal, but when you tell God "Here I am, use me as you will," you really have to mean it. And sometimes He sends you to a place that is much more personally scary than a jungle with bad food and big bugs.

For right now, this is my mission field. It is a scary place to be. But as long as God is sustaining me and giving me the strength, I will tell people of the awesome ways He is providing for me, caring for me, and holding me up.

Some days my strength falters and I cry out here. The prayer warriors here lift my requests up to God with me and He hears our prayers. He is so faithful! It has taught me that I need to pray more for others because I have seen just how powerful prayer can be.

Some days my attitude sinks and again, I cry out to others. Then someone offers a word of hope, or just the perfect Scripture or internet link to make me see things in a different way. It has taught me to step out and try to comfort others because I know what a balm those words of comfort can be and how much the "cloud of witnesses that surrounds us" are part of God's plan for us to all to work together as one Body.

I don't know specifically why God chose for me to have cancer. But I do know that He has used it for His glory to change me in ways I didn't think were possible. And who knows? Maybe someone out there, through what has happened to me, will come to a saving knowledge of Christ. So, as long as He lets me, I'm going to keep telling people about what He is doing.